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The Evil Geeks Top 5 Thunderdome Throwdown: Our Dads Can Beat Up Your Dads Edition

Happy Father’s Day Evil Geeks! Dad’s come in all shapes and sizes. Geek culture is certainly in no short supply of classic father figures, whether good, bad or ugly, we got ’em all. It’s been awhile since we’ve done a Top 5 list so we thought what better time to do one than Father’s day? Consider this our tribute to all the nerd father’s out there.

Biff

5.) Norman Osborn

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Genius, world class dick, criminally insane and a super villain, it would be difficult to keep Norman Osborn off this list. Well, Normy was never anyone’s notion of an ideal dad but he did pass his ridiculously strange hairline to his son Harry. Yes, Norman should have been a “better” dad, but in a very Hemingway-esque moment his wife died giving birth. That’s enough to resent your kid and lash out against him, right? It’s not, but I find Norman’s story to be an interesting one. If anything you can trace it back to his father, Ambrose the brilliant alcoholic who lost their family’s company and was down right abusive to them. Norman’s staying power within the Marvel U is no surprise, as he’s one of the most misunderstood, derided, twisted and fascinating characters. We just can’t seem to get enough of him.

If banging your son’s friend and spawning children, only to try kill her in a very public way (with Spidey inadvertently delivering the death blow) to cover up your secret and also traumatize your arch nemesis doesn’t scream dad of the year than I don’t know what does.

o1

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30 Days Hath Novembeard – Smorgasbeard Finale

Finally, we’d like to take a moment to honor the forgotten beards. Those bearded men who, throughout the month of November, slipped through our fingers.

Let’s say the evil Black Diamond terrorist cell seizes an Alpine resort, and GI Joe needs to send an agent to rescue the hostages. You’d better believe they’ll turn to Snowjob, their resident skiing-themed agent. Also? I think that insincere suggestion I made might be the coolest idea for a Snowjob story to date.

Brock Samson grow a beard (and a gut) between seasons of the Venture Brothers, but it wasn’t long before he was clean-shaven and back down to fighting weight.

In Marvel’s Wha…Huh? one-shot a few-years back, Mark Millar and Jim Mahfood treated us to a bewhiskered version of the Avengers. And we never got the chance to thank them!

In the Justice League animated series 2-parter Hereafter, Superman is catapulted through time to a post-apocalyptic wasteland where he becomes a sort of Sci-Fi barbarian until an unlikely ally comes to his aid. Definitely worth a look, if you haven’t seen it.

I pity the fool who don’t take his glamor shots seriously! Mr. T’s bearded face adorned our televisions, lunchboxes, and even our cereal boxes for the good part of the decade. He reminded us to drink our milk, he treated his mother like a saint, and he could turn any vehicle into a tank over the course of a 2 minute montage.

Extra points to any God that has a beard, a lot of them can choose what form to take and they purposely pick one with a beard.

I couldn’t leave out hobo ass kicking Matt Murdock from the Daredevil Born Again storyline. It’s such a rarity seeing Murdock with facial that I literally had to take a picture of the panel because I couldn’t find a decent one online.

Seneca Crane, head Gamemaker in The Hunger Games, sports the sweetest beard I’ve ever seen. May the Beard be ever in your favor.

Now you can put Seneca’s beard on anyone!

How can we not honor this facial hair? This man is directly responsible for a significant portion of the billions of potato fragments found in beards each year.

I really just wanted to write about Wilson, but since he doesn’t have a beard, I guess we’ll include Tom Hanks

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