It’s been a while since we did a top 5, but our friends at Mancrates.com asked us what our ultimate list of items we’d need to survive a horror movie might be. Now that right there is an excellent question! In fact, so excellent that it takes more than one Evil Geek to give a great answer since there are all different types of movies in the genre, so keep reading to see what the Geeks need to survive!!!
I would like to start off just by saying that I am omitting the use of supernatural or magical means of surviving in a horror movie…mainly because that’s all I was going to use. I really did just want to lightning the fuck out of everything, but considering that most horror movies, with some exclusions, revolve around your everyday, normal human being attempting to overcome the odds, I will stick to just the usual means of survival…unfortunately. Counting down…
5.) Any type of bladed object
There is almost nothing as handy as solid steel in your hands when you’re involved in some sort of survival situation. Take Liam Neeson and those wolves. They show up in the middle of the night, kidnap his wife, and then start eating the souls of all the neighborhood children. He is left with no other choice but to murder them with extreme prejudice. Like, I’m saying he made up derogatory names for wolves….and they sounded pretty wolfist. A knife is going to be a pretty solid bet to ensure your heart remains beating well beyond whatever nightmare you currently find yourself in. It’s easily carried, handles pretty well, and can go easily in and out of rotting demon flesh. If you happen to have a sword, spear or axe in your possession, you chances of staying alive have almost infinitely expanded, just like the open chest cavity of whatever fell beast has dared to balk at you.
I actually debated on whether or not you would really need food in most horror movies, but in terms of a zombie apocalypse, fuck yes you will. If you are being chased by Jason Voorhees, grabbing a quick sandwich is most likely not on your mind, but trying to live in a world where almost every other person is trying to eat you, you’re going to need to find some grub. It’s a stark change in tactics when you are being hunted on a single night, maybe even two, as compared to when you have to make a living in a doomed world that has been stripped of nearly every goddamn twinkie, Baconator, and whatever else is considered food these days. I’d rather take Jason. Read the rest of this entry