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30 Days Hath Novembeard – Day 15

So, we’ve come to the halfway point of our Novembeard festivities and boy have we got a fine beard for you today!

If you’re in a John Carpenter movie and you’re looking to survive, it definitely wouldn’t hurt your chances if you were Kurt Russell. And if that movie happens to be The Thing? Well, your chances are still a lot better than most everyone else, but you’re in for a rough couple of hours. In Carpenter’s re-imagining of The Thing From Another World, the all-male crew of this Antarctic research base has no shortage of beards, but R.J. MacReady (played by Russell)wears upon his face the clear winner. His beard is the finest one to be found on an entire continent, a feat not easily matched.

bearded macready

Luckily for Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley was clean shaven in this movie. If Brimley wore a beard, he’d knock the Computer right out of his Tennis Shoes.

Now, one might expect a group of men trapped in perpetual winter to be bearded without exception, but there were a good number of men who opted to go sans facial hair. You’ll also notice that in a hive of bees there are countless drones and only one queen. My theory is that the other men’s faces shut down any hair growth out of a fearful respect of MacReady’s mighty growth.

When the thinly veiled AIDS metaphor scary alien monster takes the form of one (if not several) of the staff at an antarctic research base, helicopter pilot really steps up to the plate and takes control of the situation. But he doesn’t just assert himself and teach the others that cooperation will win the day. No, he threatens to murder all of them and takes the entire group hostage to clear his own name, THEN conducts tests to determine which of his camp buddies is actually a shape-shifting extraterrestrial. And then after the shit hits the fan and he blasts one of the creature’s forms clear to tarnation, he and the only other survivor decide that since neither can be sure the other isn’t secretly an alien, they’ll spend their desperate last hours waiting for one another to make a move.

Russell v David

If I were an alien changeling with Keith David and Kurt Russell both pissed at me, I would apologize profusely and high-tail it back to outer space.

Hang in there, geeks.

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