Not long ago, the Evil Geeks held court at the Albany Comic Con. And while the camphor and mentholyptus we rubbed on our stiff upper lips distracted us from the unpleasant smells afoot that afternoon, we still needed distraction from the boredom that plagued us. And thus, the rogue Biff Tannen devised an exercise that was both entertaining and productive: a groupwide collaborative artistic effort. In essence, a sort of “We Are The World” composed of pencil strokes rather than voices, but an all star assortment nonetheless.
The came the question of a topic. What subject could possibly allow for the wildly diverse styles and the unpredictably unusual choices of our artists? Why, their artistic choices seem to almost come from entirely separate universes! Eu-motherfucking-reka! Crisis on Infinite Earths from DC Comics and Secret Wars (The current series which has unashamedly stolen the plot of the former) would afford our creators the perfect opportunity to use any character they like and to render them as unusually as they undoubtedly would. The game was thenceforth afoot.
I sat on the sidelines as the aforementioned Biff Tannen, his frequent collaborator/competitor Arthur Harkness, and newcomers to the game C-Mart and Big Evil sketched out two pages worth of epic Universe-shattering action. A few visitors to the table even got in on the fun. It truly is, as I am assured the children still say, a “Jam Piece”.
I’m not one for ado, and I cannot imagine your tastes run so dissimilar to mine as to welcome it, so let us not tarry any further. I give you the two pages that comprise our INFINITY WARS.
First, the Marvel side of things:
And then DC:
Excuse the crudity of this coming statement, but hold on to your butts and try not to shit your britches, because what’s to come will leave your jaw agape in awe.
Are you ready?
I’m not kidding around… take a moment if needed.
Well , well , well, what do we have here? Is it a new column? You bet your asses it is. This week I was planning on taking some time off to rest up my finger bones, but the allure of writing for you all has overwritten my common sense and caused me to come up with something new. Don’t worry, you’ll still be getting suggestions and horrors from the other geeks who have so graciously volunteered to take over those for the remainder of this week, but I just couldn’t stay away from you guys. Such is your power over me. I’ll have some more suggestions and horrors for you next week, but this week, I wanted to do something brand new for you all. Over the weekend, I happened to catch something that I haven’t gotten a chance to see, but wanted to. That would be the remake of Friday the 13th, and as you all know, I am a HUGE Jason fan. I was excited for it…..and then I saw Michael Bay was attached as a producer. I immediately got pissed because that could only mean one thing…..Martin Lawrence…..just kidding…..EXPLOSIONS!!!!!! This did not bode well for the film, however I still wanted to watch it. So I did, and I was quite disappointed. Not too much, but just enough that I wished for something different. It got me thinking though, what would I do in this sort of situation? Not as a director, I don’t want to go down that road, but what if I was in that movie as one of the kids being hunted by Jason? My brain exploded with ideas, and this was born out of my love for the franchise and just for stories and movies in general. I know most of you guys go to the movies, and after everything is said and done, I know the first question on all of your minds is…” What would Arthur have done?” Well, here you go!
Welcome back kiddies to another edition of Horrors, presented to you by your black hearted necromancer, Arthur Harkness. Sorry for the formal introduction, but I felt like it was needed as you all now know our origin story. It’s not necessary for me to hide my blasphemous professional life from you all anymore. So, much like I mentioned last week, I was thinking about getting the Halloween activities and horror based items started early, as I was just way too excited to keep it locked in anymore. I have decided to bring you a different mass murdering, lovable goofball each week , starting this week and continuing all the way until Halloween, in which I will summon forth the great powers of the Old Ones in an attempt to corrupt this world into a twisting mass of snapped limbs, flailing tentacles and burned buildings…..wait….that’s Schenectady.….just kidding. Anyways, what better place to start than everyone’s favorite summer camp? Crystal Lake, here we come!!
Welcome back once again to your weekly feast of blood and gore. I, as always, am your devourer of souls and filler of empty holes (graves, you heathens) , Arthur Harkness. Today I bring to you something that is slightly (greatly) absurd yet oh so awesome at the same time. Your boy Arthur loves horror movies, we all know that, yet what you don’t know is that I have almost no shame with my love for certain properties. One such being Friday The 13th and all things Jason Voorhees. I know a lot of you must be fans as well, so in honor of our masked assailant and stalker of camp grounds, I am going to give you a combined dose of two Friday the 13th movies! Excited? Well you should be! Because I am giving you Jason X and Jason Goes to Hell. Hahaha I wish I could see the look on all of your faces. Why? Because I know you all are probably groaning at the moment. But Arthur! Those were pretty much the worst out of all of them!! You know what I say to that? NAAAAAY!!! NAY again sirs and ladies! And let me tell you why. Grab my hand because this we may get separated running through these woods.