Advertisements

Category Archives: What They Should Have Done

What They Should Have Done: Congo

congo title

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to another round of Arthur ruins/makes shitty movies better in the column that is sweeping the nation and invading your brains. I was recently speaking to a buddy of mine concerning this movie, and although I feel that it is a perfect masterpiece of the dramatic persuasion, some people feel that it is simply horrible and ridiculous. Shame on those of you in agreement with that statement, as this movie is a classic example of how to properly use Tim Curry and gorillas on the same roll of film. I scratched my brain though, for the sake of writing and comedy, and rewatched a couple scenes of this piece, and found that one in particular stood out to me. It wasn’t too important at first look, but after noticing a few things, I came to the conclusion that nearly everything could have been stopped and avoided by the intervention of just one man…..and that man’s name is Arthur Harkness.

 

Read the rest of this entry

Advertisements

What They Should Have Done: Paranormal Activity

Arthur Harkness Goes to the Movies - PA

Come one come all to another wonderful show! I was debating on whether or not to give you guys some suggestions this week, or another installment of What They Should Have Done, the new internet sensation that is sweeping the nation like so much chlamydia. I figured I gave you guys a decent suggestion last week, which C-Mart elaborated on as well since we have both been trying to keep the streets safe in Gotham, and that I should hunker down for a bit, and crank one of these bad boys out. Besides, these are just too much fun for me not to do. I was thinking that since I gave my last Halloween hoorah for 2013 on Friday, that I should probably try to do something non-horror based, and in the process came up with something completely non-horror, and a documentary as well! A documentary you say? Yes that is correct my legions of rabid followers. This week, I bring to you, a very Arthur Paranormal Activity!

Read the rest of this entry

What They Should Have Done: Avatar

avatar title

Welcome back my loyal subjects to another installment of the most popular new column that the internet has the pleasure of having inside of it. I , of course, am your favorite necromancer with an army of tiny dancers, Arthur Harkness. You’ll notice that it is Wednesday, and normally you would be staring at a Horrors post, but I am saving that for next week as it is a jumbo sized Halloween issue. So for this week, I decided to dive into literally one of my most hated movies of all time, and see what would have happened if I had intervened, even just a little bit. Ladies and gentlemen, ugh, I present to you Avatar, or as I like to call it, the movie about the rapes that no one seems to see.

Read the rest of this entry

What They Should Have Done: Jeepers Creepers

truck

Oh what a busy past couple weeks it has been. I know you have all missed me, and to be honest, why wouldn’t you? Where else can you get such fine necromantically laced material for your reading and viewing pleasure? Pretty much nowhere. Once again, one of my fellow compatriots has taken over Horrors duties for this week which left me open to present to you another edition of what is quickly becoming a global phenomenon. While attending a wonderful dinner with the geeks and friends, Biff’s best gal Nobes reminded me of something that I had put into the back of my mind to visit someday. Now, before I get started, I would just like to say that I actually really enjoyed this movie and my opinions are based more in logistics than anything else. I, in no way, find this movie to be terrible, mainly because of the sheer lunacy involved with our main characters, and how this movie ended exactly the way it should have. Now, with that out of the way, let’s get to this bitch. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you the heralded next installment of “What They Should Have Done: Jeepers Creepers”.

Read the rest of this entry

What They Should Have Done: Friday the 13th Remake

Well , well , well, what do we have here? Is it a new column? You bet your asses it is. This week I was planning on taking some time off to rest up my finger bones, but the allure of writing for you all has overwritten my common sense and caused me to come up with something new. Don’t worry, you’ll still be getting suggestions and horrors from the other geeks who have so graciously volunteered to take over those for the remainder of this week, but I just couldn’t stay away from you guys. Such is your power over me. I’ll have some more suggestions and horrors for you next week, but this week, I wanted to do something brand new for you all. Over the weekend, I happened to catch something that I haven’t gotten a chance to see, but wanted to. That would be the remake of Friday the 13th, and as you all know, I am a HUGE Jason fan. I was excited for it…..and then I saw Michael Bay was attached as a producer. I immediately got pissed because that could only mean one thing…..Martin Lawrence…..just kidding…..EXPLOSIONS!!!!!! This did not bode well for the film, however I still wanted to watch it. So I did, and I was quite disappointed. Not too much, but just enough that I wished for something different. It got me thinking though, what would I do in this sort of situation? Not as a director, I don’t want to go down that road, but what if I was in that movie as one of the kids being hunted by Jason? My brain exploded with ideas, and this was born out of my love for the franchise and just for stories and movies in general. I know most of you guys go to the movies, and after everything is said and done, I know the first question on all of your minds is…” What would Arthur have done?” Well, here you go!

teenage idiots

Read the rest of this entry

%d bloggers like this: