That’s right, today we’re going to talk about Doctor Bruce Banner as part of ongoing Doctober series. And  you know what? We’re going to call him Bruce, even if the television viewers of the 1970s didn’t find that name butch enough…

Bruce is a fairy name, but Mister McFeely? That’s fine by us!

You may known Dr. Bruce Banner as the mild-mannered human side of the lumbering rage beast known as the Incredible Hulk. You may know him as Bill Bixby, Eric Bana, Edward Norton, or Marc Ruffalo. You may also known him as the man who singlehandedly keeps purple pants on store shelves the world over.  You know, you’d think that Reed Richards would throw banner a bone and whip him up a pair of unstable molecule chinos sometime. He knows the struggles of a working polyscientist in today’s world, and while certainly affordable at the price shown below, that adds up fast when you gain and lose a thousand pounds or so on a daily basis.

Today, I’d like to call attention to the bummer that is Banner’s life. You think you’ve got it tough because you spend 8 hours a day in an office with a half hour drive there and back, try to eat a healthy meal, and still manage to spend time with friends and family? Well, imagine if you destroyed everything within a quarter mile radius every time you lost your temper.

I’m going  to tell you a true story.Last night I needed to grab cash while I already a few minutes late. I ran in to the ATM, shuddered at the obscene fee I’d led myself into, and got back to the car. Five minutes and five dollars later, I went through a 15 second spell of murderous rage. Why can’t my bank have more ATMS? Why must other motorists ignore the beauty of the “zipper technique” when it comes to merging? I took a deep breath and calmed down, and no buildings fell down as a result of it.

Now here’s the thing… I’m a guy who doesn’t really lose his temper, look at some of the other people you see on a daily basis. Go to a Verizon store, or something… people are losing their shit all around you, it’s how the world is these days. Now imagine if you could NEVER do that at the risk of killing hundreds of innocent bystanders. Imagine if you made national news every time some jerk stole your parking spot?

If you ever see Bruce Banner on the street or something, you buy that man a goddamn beer.

Get out of there before he moves on to the hard liquor, though.

All images and characters depicted are copyright of their respective owners. Please click on the “About Us” tab for our takedown policy.