The Things I Do For Comics – Deathstroke (2014) #3

I know, I know… I’ve been slacking in my issue by issue coverage of the monthly Deathstroke series. But can you blame me? To ask why I’m not excited to read the latest issue of this book when it hits the stands is to say “Why the long face?” to someone standing over a freshly dug grave.

deathstroke 3 cover

If you type “douchebag scarf” into Google images, you’ll find plenty of photos of that very scarf right off the bat. Deathstroke is not wearing this scarf ironically. Will Deathstroke get an Ed Hardy t-shirt next? This book is for douchebags.  This book is to graphic fiction as Keeping Up with the Kardashians is to television. I really do believe that I lose a little bit of my purity as a human being every time I read one of these things… I do this for you. I do this for comics.

So, Jericho is a kid again even though he has appeared as an adult after the New 52 reboot. I realize I could do a search and see if there’s any explanation for that, but I don’t feel that I should have to. Comics, as a medium, are traditionally written so that a new reader can pick up an issue without being too confused. Sure, sometimes that makes for a bit of clumsy exposition but that wouldn’t have a negative impact on Tony Daniel’s writing, in fact it would probably be a breath of fresh air compared to his attempts at one-liners.

deathstroke theory disproved

So, Deathstroke and Jericho fuck up a whole bunch of faceless assassins again and then they confront Odysseus. I guess he’s Deathstroke’s father? And he’s been keeping Jericho so that he could drain his grandson’s lifeforce? Deathstroke shoots him in the face and they Jericho peaces the fuck out of there.  We cut out of that flashback, because apparently that’s what it was, and we see rejuvenated Slade in a mountain shack searching for a stashed satellite phone. Just as he finds it, someone throws … something at it and the antenna goes all floppy.

Deathstroke Pakk

You see that shit? Look at how much his face changes from panel to panel. I’m not leaving out any key plot points here, Slade’s face was never replace with wax of silly putty or pudding in between panels, that just happens! Here’s a close up, as well as a third transformation from a few pages later.

The Many Faces of Baby Slade 1 The Many Faces of Baby Slade 2 The Many Faces of Baby Slade 3

Those are all ostensibly the same dude! He straight up turns into Cromagnon man by the end of this issue. And back. no less! So when people tell me that this book may not be the best-written but the art is great, you can understand why I tell them to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. This book is shit in every conceivable way.  It’s shit in every dimension.  Mr. Mxyzptlk  be lookin’ at this book and be like “I see five dimensions of shit, G”.

I’m sorry if that got a little too real, back there. I really don’t like this comic.

Deathstroke Bronze Tiger Fight

So, Bronze Tiger shows up and fights with Slade. The battle quickly devolves from an aerial knife fight to a schoolyard tussle. Deathstroke actually handles this fight like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, just sitting on Slade and whaling on his face in a girlish frenzy.

Deathstroke Bronze Tiger Fight 2

Those feet belong to Red Fury from back at the beginning of Issue #2. He brings Slade and Bronze Tiger back to his mountain chalet where he confirms that Odysseus is Deathstroke’s father, whom Slade killed nearly 40 years ago. Also, Red Fury thinks that Jericho is the only one capable of killing Odysseus, so he manipulated Slade into bringing them together in hopes of getting Grandpa out of the picture. He also reveals that Jericho has recently shown up in Gotham City, and that he’s sending Deathstroke after him.

Deahtstroke Right
This book still makes no sense. Now, very often the first three issues of a book by, say, Jonathan Hickman make little sense, but then pieces start falling together and everything is clear. I get the distinct impression that this is not going to happen in Deathstroke. Firstly, if there is a benevolent creator at the helm of this universe, this book won’t make it to #12. Secondly, I really don’t think Tony Daniel has any agenda on this book other than “Draw cool shit and end every issue with a full page reveal of a character”. Speaking of…

Deathstroke Harley


I’m not looking forward to the next issue of this book. Harley Quinn is, in  my opinion, a cancer on the comics industry. She started off all right, but she’s fallen in with the Deadpool crowd and become a character used to pander to the lowest common denominator. So she’ll be right at home in this book! And I have to admit, I’m not exactly up on my New 52 continuity. Are the Suicide Squad free agents these days? The coolest thing about the Suicide Squad was the premise; Villains working off their sentence by doing black ops. Now they’re allowed to roam free and run by Harley Quinn without some kind of government liaison. Not only do I hope that Deathstroke gets canceled before the end of the year, I hope the entire line of DC comics gets another reboot.

It certainly couldn’t be any worse.

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Posted on March 5, 2015, in COMICS!, Reviews, The Things I Do For Comics and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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