Your Weekend Creature Comforts: Vogons
There is quite a plethora of alien races and species out there. From the worlds of Wookiepedia to the wonders of the Whoniverse, we’ve all met and loved many aliens from different imaginations. Sometimes I really wish there was a way to have more overlap. A way for species stuck in one world could become more believable by making appearances in others. I know that there are probably copyright laws and other barriers that prevent this from happening, but one of those species that I wish could break out of its current storyline in to others are The Vogons. That’s right, those poetry loving, slobbering monsters from Vogsphere in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy would fit in perfectly with a Star Trek episode, or better yet an encounter with the Tardis.
Vogons are just so hilarious how could you not want them showing their faces in more adventures? Unless of course you ended up face to face with one. I guess it’s better to just hear about them, or imagine them, and not their poetry. I particularly love their origin story. I am a believer in evolution after all, none of that creationist crap for me. But it has been said that the forces of evolution have feelings too, and they were so disgusted by their creation of the Vogons they refused to work on the species any further. So how did they not die off do you ask? Well they are just so goddamned stubborn they decided to keep on living on their own.
The Vogons also know what they are good at, and one of those things is bureaucracy. Their foul temper makes that easy for them. And as such they became important developers in the intergalactic government as constructors, of course fulfilling this role by destroying planets. Another of those things that they are good at is poetry. Or at least they think so. Well let’s just say it’s infamous. The Vogons’ poetry is infamous and if you end up face to face with a Vogon (which is probably not something you want to do) they will likely read you their poetry if they don’t throw you out an airlock first. But ears beware; this poetry is the third worst in the universe. It won’t put you to sleep, it will curdle your brains, probably a very effective method of torture.
So what do these nasty creatures look like? Well they are like a very large man- think Uncle Vernon from the Harry Potter series. They have greyish-green skin, and despite the tiny appendages that are their T-rex like arms they are rather slug-like. Their faces are like a mixture between a fish and a human, with this vestigial nose above their eyebrows. Have a good picture in your head yet?
I know the chances are slim, but I am going to hope that some franchise other than the Hitchhiker universes will pick up this alien and incorporate it in to their stories, it would be hilarious and wondrous all at the same time.
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Posted on November 8, 2014, in Creature Comforts and tagged Alien, douglas adams, Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, vogon poetry, vogons, your weekend creature comforts. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.