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5 Things They Had Better Get Right in the New Dead Pool Movie (with lots of GIFs)

Dead Pool 1988 Logo

I was skimming through headlines early this week in the wake of San Diego Comic Con, and I glimpsed an article about test footage for a planned Dead Pool movie featuring a previously unseen version of the character, reportedly more  in keeping with his traditional portrayal.  I guess the video was taken down before I got a chance to watch it but here are the five things we NEED to see in this remake of the classic 1988 installment in the Dirty Harry series.

5) Casting

The article I saw said something about Ryan Reynolds playing “Dirty” Harry Callahan in this remake of the Dead Pool? No offense, Ry-Guy but go make a romantic comedy with Gerard Butler or something, we need a leaner, meaner actor for this lovably bigoted policeman. I think another famous heartthrob named Ryan could do the job nicely, none other than Ryan Gosling! Here’s a GIF of Gosling showing his grumpy side, classic Dirty Harry style!

ryan gosling mean gif

I mean, right? Can’t you just imagine him spouting a series of racial slurs to razz a partner of an as-yet-to-be-determined minority?

4) He Needs to be a Cop

I read something in that article about him being a mercenary with a mouth? That’s not the Dirty Harry we know and love! I mean, that sounds like a real Michael Bay move, taking the character we all grew up with and changing him from a cop who plays by his own rules to a wise-cracking soldier of fortune! Have a little respect for the source material and DO SOME RESEARCH. There are plenty of great stories you can tell with Harry as a cop (at least five) so there’s no reason to turn him into an snarky assassin. Don’t make this into another NINJA TURTLES. Here’s a GIF of the original Dead Pool himself, Clint Eastwood angrily eating a hot dog.

clint hot dog

 

3) Keep it Grounded

The blurb I glimpsed the other day mentioned something about Dead Pool (that was actually the name of the 1988 film, not that of the lead character – a mistake made numerous times in that article) fighting several enemies using martial arts. I’m sick and tired of action movies with wire work and CGI, give me shootouts and car chases any day of the week! I mean, does the Harry Callahan we all love seem like the kind of guy who would use a katana? Heck no, he famously uses a .44 Magnum which he describes as the most powerful handgun in the world.

Clint Magnum

I mean, if they really wanna update it for a new generation I get it, but give him a Desert Eagle or something, not some kind of ninja weaponry. Seriously, do they even know a thing about the character? I guess not, or they wouldn’t persistently call him “Dead Pool” instead of his actual name.

2) Pay Tribute to the Original

As weird as it is to choose the fifth installment of the series as a jumping off point for the rebooted Dirty Harry franchise, the new Dead Pool movie should acknowledge its roots by trying to follow the plot of the original in some capacity. Sure, it wouldn’t make much sense for them to start out with Harry as an over-the-hill cop who’s seen it all, and from their casting choice of Ryan Reynolds it looks like they aren’t going that way at all, but they can at least keep the plot about the serial killer changing the odds of a celebrity death pool. Also, the original 1988 version featured two actors who would eventually become huge stars in their own right: Jim Carrey and Liam Neeson. It would be a nice nod to the original if they got one or both of them to come back in at least a cameo role. Liam Neeson has adopted the action genre as his new comfort zone and Jim Carrey will do anything. Here is a GIF of Jim Carrey in the Incredible Burt Wonderstone.

Jim Carrey Burt Wonderstone1) Lose the Mask

Sure, Harry Callahan wasn’t a by-the-books cop, but he also wasn’t a creep who wore a mask around town. The new version of the character from the Dead Pool remake is shown in a still to be wearing a slightly altered Spider-Man mask!

deadpool test footageWhile fans of the original series know that Harry didn’t trust the system, the people of San Francisco could trust Harry. I just don’t know if I could trust a cop who gallivanted around town in a full face mask. I really wonder about this movie, I mean, I’d like it to be good but it seems like a money grab cashing in on the huge success of the 1988 original instead of a love song to that film. Here’s hoping it turns out well, but as for my prediction? Well, just ask this GIF of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry Callahan (the character’s actual name) in 1988’s The Dead Pool.

Clint Dead Pool Fortune

 

See you at the movies… NOT!

 

Martian Luthor Kang is a woefully misinformed man and frankly, his nonsense is getting old.

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Posted on July 31, 2014, in Comedy, Movies, News and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. A Dirty Harry reboot? A Dead Pool remake? For real? If it ain’t broke don’t fix it I say.

    Like

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