Evil Geeks Art Gallery – I Love Being a Turtle
It’s been ever so long since we’ve toured the hallowed halls of the Evil Geeks Art Gallery, my fellow appreciators of the fine arts. You see, the Collabotron has been in the shop, someone got a tuna fish sandwich good and stuck in the inspiration intake valve and the only guy who repairs these things is like 90, so it’s been a rough couple of months.
We’re coming back with a bang, though, and it’s safe to say you may experience a bit of… shellshock… from this entry. You’ll understand that delightful play on words in mere moments, dear readers, since today we tackle the cover to the classic video game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Originally the cover of issue #4 of the original TMNT comic series, this cover is more memorable to a generation as the art which adorned one of the more frustrating unbeatable games of the Nintendo era. Yes, there were many kids who couldn’t get past the infamous dam level, and those who did accomplish that feat were not rewarded for their troubles. The following levels, unseen by many, were ludicrously difficult. I myself have seen the last level of the game played, but have never firsthand witnessed it being beaten.
So, when Biff Tannen and Arthur Harkness were tasked with recreating this cover, they set right to work. As usual, the artists worked in their preferred medium of pen on notepad and had their own interpretations along to me within a few short hours. First, we’ll have a look at Arthur’s:
Not seeing fit to extrapolate on the glory of the original, Mr. Harkness cut Michelangelo’s arm off just at it was cropped on the game’s cover. I feel he quite nicely captured the unbridled rage expressed by the chucker’s open maw. That is not to say, however, that his interpretations of the other members of this quartet fell short… one need only glance above this paragraph to be reminded otherwise.
Moving on to the work of Mister Biff Tannen, one will certainly notice an evolution in his art style. I believe it was his passion for these heroes-on-half-shells that guided his hand to create this modern masterpiece. His turtles, still a force with which to be reckoned, are a more jovial bunch. Even Raphael, typically portrayed as an angst-filled loner, revels in unbridled joie de vivre. And in the right light, a trained eye can see a sort of half-witted underbite on Donatello. The juxtaposition of this expression on the face of a polymath once shown to be capable of stopping time itself? Positively sublime.
Careful not to blemish these works of art with my tears, I sealed them away in a vault until such a time as the Collabotron was back from it’s time at the shop. The very evening it came back, I treated it to a plate of fine cheeses and a glass of port before forcing these two drawings deep within it. The next morning, as I enjoyed a cigarillo on the balcony, I heard the telltale “boop” indicating that Collabotron had finished. I bit my lip and ran to the parlor, still in my smoking jacket. I pressed my palm to the sensor and, after confirming my identity, the Collabotron handed over the work of art you see before you now…
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what man had in mind when he first took paint to cave wall. I beseech you, artists of the world, to stop your work at once. You will never overshadow this, and you’ll only look more the fool as you continue to try.
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