Horror of Horrors: Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
Welcome all of you ghouls, gals and everything in between to your favorite slice of internet dismemberment. I, of course, and don’t adjust your computer screens as I know it’s been a while, am Arthur Harkness and it feels good to be giving you all another dose of horror to sink your teeth into. You guys know my feelings on horror movie high school kids and how most horror movie monsters were bred specifically to cull those blood sucking parasites from the face of the earth, but there is another group of fucking leaches who are just as bad or worse…..college kids. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my blood boil. But Arthur, how and why are college kids so bad? Well, let me tell you by using the phenomenal Tucker and Dale vs Evil as a sort of backdrop for their shenanigans and bullshit. I love this game….it’s my favorite.
Tucker and Dale Vs Evil details the chronicles of two somewhat backwoods men who take on the job of restoring a cabin in the woods to be their summer home. They are pretty normal guys for the most part, and aren’t of the murderous variety, yet not everyone thinks as much. I can somewhat understand considering their entrance into the movie, which is hysterical by the way, but what they get dragged into is completely ridiculous considering the circumstances. Like most horror movies, this one is all about love, and Dale’s lack of personal faith. We are first introduced to a set of horrible people called college kids, and they are the typical sort of movie students….total assholes except one or two. A chance glance over at the car next to them on the road introduces us to Tucker and Dale, and a slack faced glaze sets the movie’s events in motion. I don’t understand this to be honest. I give people slack faced glares all day every day yet no one has tried to kill me just yet. Maybe it’s because I have a constantly summoned golem following me, or maybe it’s because I am not technically “human,” but my point remains valid.
That slack faced glare sets the college kids into a sort of panic as they immediately think Tucker and Dale are murderous rednecks, which is the exact opposite of what they really are. You have your typical crew of the crazy in the college kids; the yuppie dick with abandonment issues, the frat guys who have no place in this world, the idiot girls, and then the nice girl who usually makes it out alive. I feel bad describing them that way, but its just the way of the world. If you are a college kid and are offended by this, then you clearly need to reevaluate your priorities. Like most horror movies, the kids need beer, because they forgot it…..and need to make a pit stop at the local gas station, which automatically set them into high alert. Tucker and Dale, needing something similar, were already at the gas station, and in the process of a few events, Dale acquires a crush on the nice girl, but thinks he has no chance since she is city folk and most likely doesn’t even consider his sort of person a real person, which is unfortunate. In a series of unfortunate events and mistaken advice on Tucker’s behalf, the college kids confront Tucker and Dale and things get really awkward really quick. I love it.
Tucker and Dale make it to the cabin, and realize the place is sort of a death trap, but that’s just due to neglect. They mark out the bad spots for repair, and then enjoy a nice bit of nighttime drinking and fishing, and in the process come across the college kids skinny dipping near their cabin. Some peeping ensues because you know…horror movie, and the nice girl slips and falls on her head. Tucker and Dale rescue her and let her sleep in their cabin while the college run off because they are terrible people and even worse friends. When she wakes up, she talks with Dale and he makes her breakfast…such a nice guy. Turns out the nice girl is more country than originally thought, and they actually get along very well. But things aren’t so great in the college kid camp, as they feel that Tucker and Dale have kidnapped her. What bullshit. I mean I can see their point, because you can never be too careful, but at the same time immediately going into murderous rage is a bit overzealous. They mount up in an attempted rescue effort, but the world of hilarity doesn’t let things just happen peacefully.
In a series of what can only be described as unfortunate, multiple people die and Tucker and Dale get slightly banged up. To them it seems like the college kids are killing themselves, but to the college kids it looks like they are being killed off by Tucker and Dale. When I tell you that this is the sort of premise that furnishes my downstairs with mahogany, if you get my drift, I would be under selling it. The act of college kids killing themselves off in vain while thinking they are being heroes is amazing to me and I can’t get enough. It’s like Christmas and my birthday rolled into Halloween. Pure bliss. Over the course of the rest of the film we are treated to these college kids pulling dumb move after dumb move and Tucker and Dale pulling some heroics, albeit in a slightly dumb fashion, a super duper reveal is given to us that I won’t spoil for you. I will say though that it makes one of the college kids that much more crazy, and that much more fucking dumb. I also won’t spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say that what you want to happen, happens, and things are resolved quite nicely.
Now, the reason I chose this for the horrors this week is because it was announced that a sequel is being made, and I am fucking pumped. I know I didn’t mention it before, but these films star Tyler Labine as Dale, which you may remember him as Sock from Reaper (sorely underrated show) and Alan Tudyck, who is fucking Wash from Firefly, so there ya go. I loved this movie and if you guys trust me, which I know you do, I know you will love it too. The thing about it is that it isn’t your typical horror movie as there really isn’t a main antagonist, besides the college kids, but it makes itself stand out by not being a typical horror movie, if that makes any sense. You get your dose of blood and gore with no problem, but the miscommunication and slight redneck intolerance make this a fun adventure through back woods. It’s on NetFlix and purchasable at any movie store, if those still exist, so you should have no real problems in locating it. DO IT! You know you want you, and you know you’re going to see the sequel when it comes out. I know I am.
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