The Evil Geeks Talk About Their First Time

viewerHey there Evil Geeks! On lazy days like today, sometimes it’s good to get all introspective-like and reflect on some of the best memories of the past.  Sometimes it’s best to coat those memories in an alcohol glaze, but today’s memories aren’t ones like that; these are definitely worth hanging on to. The Evil Geeks are going to get all misty eyed and coked up… excuse me, CHOKED up while they reminisce about their first experience with comics.  Much like all “Firsts” stories, some are good, some are bad, but these are still the books that got a lifetime of geekdom ignited in our young villainous brains.

Biff Tannen

Like Uncle Scrooge and his coveted #1 Dime, we often hold onto things that we have a emotional connection with that may not be perceived as having any real value. For me it’s the first comic I ever bought, Uncanny X-Men #286 from 1992.

image

There’s no denying that I got this after already being firmly entrenched in the X-Men animated series on Fox. It was purchased when I was 8 at a CVS in the mall while I was shopping with my mom. Perhaps it was the dynamic Jim Lee cover that sold me, but most likely it was the only X-Men issue on the stands that week or the first one I saw.

Retrospectively, it was probably the worst first issue to buy ever. It has something to do with Colossus’ long lost Cosmonaut brother and parallel dimensions and shit. I didn’t have a clue what was going on or further more how to read it. This is pretty intimidating panel lay out for a first time comic book reader:

photo

But dammit, I brought this thing with my everywhere and soon started collecting both X-Men series. A strange issue to start with, but a start nevertheless.

Martian Luthor Kang 117th

My origin story is a bit murky. As the youngest in a small army of brothers, I had my hands on comics for as long as I can remember. Even before I could read, I was thumbing through the wonderful books of the late 1980s enjoying the art. However, the first comic I ever had the pleasure of calling my own was my brother’s duplicate copy of Amazing Spider-Man 317.

ASM317 Cover

This issue was the climax of the second storyline to feature Venom. My four year old eyes couldn’t even handle the awesomeness of that Todd McFarlane cover, the alien costume is trying to get back up in Spidey’s Kool-Aid! I loved Spider-Man above all other characters and I loved the black costume most of all. And in a surprising turn, the cover of this comic actually does mirror events contained within the issue!  However, the interior scenes of Peter wrangling with the alien symbiote are decidedly more… let’s say “revealing”.

ASM Homoeroticism

Thank god that both Peter Parker and Eddie Brock are modest enough to wear underwear beneath their costumes. Still, why couldn’t Spider-Man be enveloped by the symbiote whilst wearing his normal costume?  Anyway, while I thankfully didn’t notice the undertones of this book, it was definitely enough to get me hooked on the medium for life.  So while that was the first comic I owned, I’m not sure if it qualifies for the theme of this article. So, let’s move along to the next summer, when  just before heading off to a vacation in Maryland, I bought my first comic. The comic was What The–? #7, and the cover was the stuff of dreams.

What The.

The Justice League vs the Avengers? Or, you know, at least thinly veiled analogs of these teams with art by John Byrne. I annoyed my whole family that trip by reading my favorite jokes aloud for all to hear.  For those unfamiliar, What The–?  basically mixed the broad humor of a MAD magazine with the actual characters owned by Marvel Comics Group. And that was everything a five year old needed.

Arthur Harkness:

xmen unlimited #1

Alright guys, I figured I would help out and throw my very first “owned” comic into this pile of wonderful. Living next to a comic shop when I was a kid was a blessing and a curse. I was always right next to everything I always wanted, but almost never had the means of acquiring such treasures. However, on a fateful day in my youth, I was treated to $10, and much like any sane child of my age, I ran directly to the comic shop and grabbed what I thought was one of the most badass covers in all of comics. Tune to nowadays, and I am struggling to find out what the fuck is wrong with Professor X here. is he scolding someone? Did someone forget his blanket? Or is it the fact that he is in a blizzard with ZERO dome protection? He looks so awkward. In terms of the story, I don’t remember too much besides the fact that the Blackbird gets shot down in the middle of a blizzard, and Cyclops, Storm and Xavier need to find a way to survive……hence the title…..genius. I loved this comic when I was younger, because I didn’t know any better. I haven’t read it in forever, so honestly it may be good, but judging from what I remember most about early 90’s comics, I am betting against it. I still have this one somewhere in my house, albeit in probably the worst condition I have ever let a comic get to. But for the time period and my mentality, this comic was sheer magic to me. I always enjoyed winter and seeing a whole comic set in a blizzard was a blast for me. I was such a huge X-Men fan as well, that it just needed to be purchased by me. Now that I think about, Arthur is going to do some more digging in his crypt and see if he can find this badboy……to the portal!

C-Mart:

Hey there Evil Geeks. There was a time in everyone’s life when purchasing comics, let alone anything, was an impossibility.  You’d be surprised to hear how weak the buying power and economic clout of a 2nd grader can be.  During this time of monetary limbo, unless you had some really cool parents chances are you weren’t getting comics on the regular; comics were just something that happened to you.  During this time in my life, I’d get thrown a GI Joe or Transformers comic, or maybe even an Archie here and there mainly because some grown up wanted to give me something to do allowing them to provide risk-free, lax supervision.  The first “REAL” comic I ever remember getting though, was Spectacular Spider-Man #158.

  158-1This book actually fell into to category of things given to me by an adult to keep me quiet, but man, did I love this comic!  I even remember sneaking it into the bathroom with me, so I could read it while taking a bubble bath like I was in some kind of Calgon for Kids commercial or something, carefully trying not to get it wet as I took in a relaxing soak.  I was 10 at the time and it was honestly my first exposure to Spider-Man outside of old re-runs of The Electric Company on PBS. Boy was I confused when Morgan Freeman was nowhere to be found in the book.  Still though, I was almost immediately hooked on the character. The story involves Spidey being granted to powers of Captain Universe, which made him a nearly unstoppable force.  What’s really hilarious is that Paste Pot Pete decided at pretty much the same time that he was tired of being called Paste Pot Pete and wanted to be called The Trapster instead.  To prove that he’s no chump, he decides to take on Spider-Man, who’d been relentlessly mocking him for years. Yeah… he got his ass whipped.  Like, hard.  I remember at one point, Spidey just vaporizes Pete’s glue with his newfound cosmic abilities leaving him just enough time to think to himself “Well…I’m fucked.” right before he’s beaten to a pulp.  I have no idea what happened to this comic, but I wish I still had it.  It was given to me by a person who’s no longer with us, so even though it probably isn’t worth a whole lot of money, it certainly is priceless in terms of sentimental value.

The first comic I ever bough with my own money… Well that’s a different story… (sigh)

1Ok I know what you’re thinking you judgmental pricks.  Screw you! I was a kid and didn’t know any better.  Come on, if you were a child tell me you wouldn’t want a comic featuring a glass dude busting down walls and screaming “OH YEEAAHHHH!!!” every five minutes?!?!? I’m in my thirties and I still kinda want to do that now. I stand by this purchase; if i didn’t read it how would I have ever learned to defeat Scorch and quench my thirst…for Justice!!!

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About The Brotherhood of Evil Geeks

We're evil and geeky....'nuff said!

Posted on December 22, 2013, in COMICS! and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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