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Brovember Day 5 – Indiana Jones and Short Round

With the dawn of a new day comes a new installment of Brovember, and with a new installment of Brovember comes another legendary friendship. A friendship, in today’s case, between a grown ass College Professor/Adventurer/Obtainer of Rare Antiquities and a his Chinese orphan:

Indiana Jones and Short Round

Indiana Jones and Short Round 1

Surely, acting as a father figure to a child without any family is an honorable act. And then, on top of that, to teach the child to drive and play poker?  Mother Teresa ain’t got shit on Indiana Jones in terms of humanitarianism, and that’s impressive when you remember that he’s killed several dozen people that we know of. Then again, a lot of those people were Nazis, so he’s more liable to receive a medal than a prison term.  Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “But Mister Kang, gallivanting across Asia dodging bullets and jumping out of planes is no life for a child!” That’s a fair point, but you have to remember that we’re to believe Indiana Jones lived a youth full of high adventure, and still managed to achieve a doctorate in archaeology. No offense to your parents, but Indiana Jones is way better at raising kids than they are.

Aside from having badass adventures, Indiana and Short Round actually genuinely love one another in a platonic, familiar way.  I don’t care what your slash fic says, the bond here is that of a father and a son or perhaps two disparately aged brothers. Look at similar relationships in  fiction: For example, let’s examine the dynamic of a certain duo. A duo consisting of a caped crusader and a boy wonder.

Indiana Jones and Short Round 3

As you can see, I’ve gone to great lengths to protect the privacy of these costumed crimefighters.

Let’s call these gentlemen “Bruce” and “Dick”, certainly not the most butch names I could have chosen, but they’ll do.  Bruce and Dick have a superficially similar relationship to that of Indiana and Short Round, but a key difference on the part of the former duo is the Tobias Funke-esque knack for poor wording. Indiana Jones and Short Round mind their dialogue so as to avoid unseemly double entendres.

Also, a notable facet of the friendship between Indy and Shorty is their “bros before hoes” mentality. When the awful, awful Willie Scott arrives on the scene to destroy all of their fun in her one-dimensional shrieking manner, they share an unspoken hatred of her terrible ways.

Indiana Jones and Short Round 2

This pain in the ass has got to go…

But, as any man can tell you, the “Bros Before Hoes” policy is nothing more than a facade that men play up in order to appease their friends while planning a strategy toward a woman. In this case, Indy made the first move and Shorty was left playing solitaire. And also being captured and forced into hard labor in a death cult’s subterranean lair. The Bro Code is a foolish myth, and he was a lie to believe otherwise. No time for love, indeed.

Indiana Jones and Short Round 4

At the end of their Indian adventure, the gang had become one big happy makeshift family.  And they lived happily ever after.

For a couple of months, at least…

Here’s the thing: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom takes place in 1935.  Raiders of the Lost Ark takes place in 1936. At some point in the short time between these two stories, Willie Scott exits the picture never to be mentioned again. Fine. Okay.  This happens, they weren’t exactly a great match, she hated excitement and he normally causes at least one explosion before breakfast. I can understand him deep-sixing Willie and never looking back, but what the hell happened to Short Round?  This is truly one of the great cinematic mysteries of all time.  According to the “expanded universe”, Short Round was enrolled in a boarding school. I can buy that, but I prefer to think of him running a bar somewhere… and I prefer to think of it as a sitcom, with Indiana Jones as a guest star on the pilot.

Short Round

That dangling plot thread bothered me from the moment, as a child, that I noticed the chronology of the movies.  Some years down the line, though, I picked up a copy of Star Wales Tales #19, and read a story within entitled “Into the Great Unknown”.  In this adventure, the Millennium Falcon (along with Han and Chewie) is under heavy fire and goes into hyperspace to escape. They crash land in a forest, and Han is shot to death by the arrow of an indigenous life form.  Years later, in what must be at least the late 1940s, Indiana Jones and an ADULT SHORT ROUND happen upon the wreckage of the ship in search of the fabled sasquatch, who we realize is a very lonely wookiee. My boy Shorty came back! I normally disregard any expanded universe stories in the Star Wars universe, and that one is not even intended to be a canonical tale, but it’s the only one that matters to me.

Indiana Jones and Short Round 5

Well, that about does it for today. Be sure to check in tomorrow to see who else has made the list!

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Posted on November 5, 2013, in Brovember, Geekology, Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Please tell me you are going to cover Sam and Frodo during your Brovember adventure- loving it!

    Like

  1. Pingback: Brovember 28- Shaun and Ed | "The Brotherhood of Evil Geeks"

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