Horror of Horrors: Fright Night
Good day to you all out there in my kingdom of monstrosities and abominations. I know you have missed me and have been wondering where this week’s Suggestions column is, which to be honest, is still in Montreal as I was up in the northland all weekend. Between dodging random cars on the street, to almost pulling an 18 year old kid out of his car and nearly throwing him into oncoming traffic, it was a very entertaining weekend. Word of advice to people out there…Arthur does not suffer fools who are looking to make a name for themselves by being assholes and almost killing someone. Regardless, that is not what you came for this week. You came for the sweet taste of blood and gore, and I have a pretty decent selection for you all this week. It may not be the best, but if you look at it the way I do, it’s actually not too bad. Mainly because of one man, who you all know I love. Platonically…..as I know he would never respond to my advances. Shall we? Of course we shall. Ladies and gentlemen, grab your blankets and hide under the covers because this…is Fright Night!
Now I know there is an original, and a remake, but I am choosing to focus on the remake, mainly because of David Tennant. Yes, you heard me. David “my current and forever man crush” Tennant. Now he is not the main character, but he may as well have been. Because he is that awesome. Fright Night stars Anton Yelchin of Star Trek fame, and Colin Farrell in the only role I have actually really enjoyed him in besides In Bruges. Which if you haven’t seen that movie, you probably should. It’s really good. Fright Night is a remake of the original movie of the same name, concerning a vampire moving into a community and slowly yet brutally stalking the residents and feeding off of them. Colin Farrell is the vampire, Jerry, who took his name from another pale skinned New Yorker, and makes a small desert town out west his home and stalking grounds. Anton Yelchin stars as the kid in peril, who’s best friends are killed by the vampire, and one of them turned (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) into a vampire as well. Seems like it’s emo village over there. Kids becoming vampires and drinking clamato juice…..or blood….whatever they choose to call it, wearing all black and paling themselves out to seem vampirish…..kids these days. Anyways, Anton’s character is told that his neighbor Jerry, is a vampire, and decides to investigate it. his pretty hot girlfriend feels he is acting slightly weird, as well as his mother, and are concerned for his wellbeing. Seems Colin Farrell is too as he knows that he knows he is a vampire, but still is not admitting to it, pretty much making it look like Anton is crazy. Seems like the general plot set up to me, but it is forgiven as there is not much else you can do at that point. David Tennant plays the titular Vampire Hunter/Fraud character, who actually turns out not to be a fraud, but just a man who’s parents were killed by Jerry years ago, and wants some sweet revenge on our pale villain. Let’s raise the stakes!! (sorry….I couldn’t help myself).
Anton, his girlfriend, and his mother all attempt to run and hide away from Jerry after finally coming to their senses and realizing that Jerry is an actual vampire, and give him the biggest of all fuck you’s by running his ass over and staking him. But lo’ and behold, Jerry isn’t the type to die so easily, and keeps coming back. They head to David Tennant’s house (jealous) and attempt to have him help them out. But this doesn’t work so well, as Anton’s mom is taken to the hospital (never to be seen again), McLovin attacks, and David Tennant’s wife/girlfriend is killed in the process. Sad days all around. It’s kind of funny, because David Tennant is literally the exact opposite of his Doctor portrayal in terms of content and language. Not afraid to say fuck, shit or bitch, it was initially awesomely jarring to see him play something so different than what I was used to, but not bad at all. I loved it, and I thought it was so awesome. He drinks, he hides, he swears, and he is borderline crazy, and I love it. Shit continues to go downhill though, and in all of the mess and confusion, Anton’s girlfriend gets bitten and turned in an infuriating segment brought on by some stupid fucking meathead bouncer, who I honestly wanted to kill so bad. I fucking hate bouncers. Sorry if you are one, but they literally ruin almost everything with their stupidity. Fuck. Anyways, now it’s time to gear up and take the fight to Jerry himself. Stocking up on all manner of vampire hunting equipment, David Tennant and Anton head to Jerry’s for the final battle, and shit gets super crazy real quick. You may also notice that I am not really using the character’s movie names, mainly because I like their real names better. Not that big of a deal, but just figured I would clarify for you.
David and Anton make it to Jerry’s, just in time to realize that quite a bit of people have been turned, and they have to deal with way more than just Jerry and the girlfriend. They gotta deal with the town dick, his friend the asshole, and pretty much every other stereotype you could think of. After all is said and done, Anton lights himself on fire and smothers Jerry in it, before getting in that last piece of sweet vengeance in the form of a final killing. Everyone is saved, those who were turned go back to normal, and the sun rises on a new day in the desert town that was just nearly ravaged by vampires. Now since this is a remake, I feel like there is no need to warn you of spoilers, mainly because this is a very formulaic story and also a remake, so you have had more than enough chances to know what will happen. I actually enjoyed this movie more than I should have. Mainly because the acting was pretty good, and of course, David Tennant. I bought this movie and saw it in the theaters, and I know some of you may flame me for spending double on it, but whatever. I can only count how many times I’ve spent double on one hand, unless you count digital and paper copies of all the Thrones books. In which I may need to use two hands. The movie also does not take itself seriously, which is it’s strong point. It urges you to have fun watching it, and does not ask you to completely suspend your belief for the duration of the movie. You can watch this without having to be a fan of the horror genre, and you can watch this as if it were just a regular movie. I know this may turn some people off on the whole aspect of it, but it provides a more wide appeal, and also doesn’t take the Twilight road and make it all sappy and garbage. No offense. Honestly, I would definitely recommend this to anyone, just for the amount of fun it exudes. But then again, I am also just a man who likes movies, so if you don’t want to take my word for it, then that is your prerogative…..but you’re wrong and I hate you. It’s pretty cheap and can be found at any movie store or on demand, so it won’t break your bank to go and check it out. Besides, you should not deny yourself the opportunity to see David Tennant on screen. You will be sad if you miss it. Also, if it sounds like I am exhausted, trust me, I am . Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pile of dirt with my name on it, and that hated sphere of light is starting to show it’s face again. I think this calls for a drink and a nap….
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