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Horror of Horrors: The Great White Shark

Disclaimer: there are some graphic images in this post.

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Hello my enslaved minions, I would expand and write a slobbering, groveling introduction as my fellow brotherhood geeks do so well but being Lilith I hardly think that will be necessary.  The Oedipus Complex I am sure I inspire in all of you demon children will keep you coming back for more, and I’ve got a good one to wet your appetite today. We demon-mothers pride ourselves on giving birth to wicked progeny that can spread chaos and violence throughout the worlds, and while I think I might have a one up on her, I have to hand it to Mother Earth for her deep sea-living youngsters. In the heat of the summer I am sure you weaklings are getting your fill of sun at the beach, but don’t get to far from shore, especially on Cape Cod, unless you would like to join the ranks of rotting amputees the Great White Shark has left floating on the surface.

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The Great White Shark has been inspiring terror in the hearts of swimmers for centuries, and rightfully so. The females frequently grow to over 15 feet, and this species of shark is better known for its ability to chow down on humans than any other. With a 15-footer it’s not uncommon to interview the survivors of an attack and have them describe a leg just suddenly not being there anymore before they even knew a shark was nearby. Luckily these animals were just taking a taste that they didn’t really end up savoring, otherwise a full size bite could easily result in everything below your neck just suddenly not being there anymore.

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Just watching this footage makes you realize when a shark means to feed, there is nothing you can do to stop it. And speaking of Cape Cod, I would not want to be these researchers considering this is a little too reminiscent of Jaws for me.

Those of you who want the thrill, there are lots of ways to go out and get it. Sharks are making a come back along shores since their favorite food source is doing better colonizing the beaches, but if you have 2 brain cells you know well enough to stay out of the water and leave it to the seals.

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But if you still want to be pumped to the limit with adrenaline watching these beasts bring carnage to the world there is a safer way to achieve that awe-inspiring feeling, all from your TV. Being Mother Nature’s real life bringer of demise, she has also been the superstar in quite a few magnificent screen shots.

Jaws is probably one of the most epic movies of all times, with a theme song children are taught by the time they are two years old, and you just know it could happen in real life. In fact, the movie was loosely based on real events. And this shark means business. Of course, having Steven Spielberg directing the shark and other characters helps with the level of suspense. This movie is why I have not swum at a beach since I was 12 years old, and I never will. This 20+ foot shark terrorizes a New England town one summer, taking swimmer after swimmer, and just when you think you are one step ahead of the shark he strikes again, leaving floating body parts strewn about the shore. The one good thing I will say is that if you happened to be the poor victim of this shark, you’d most likely be dead in less than 5 seconds despite the breath-taking opening scene. My favorite hair-raising scene was when the main character’s son’s sailboating instructor inadvertently gets chomped in half and eaten right in front of the boy just when you think they were out of deep water.

Jaws

And if Jaws is a little too “old” for you know, being a spawn of the present age where computer graphics to the ump-th level are needed to catch your attention, there are some more recent films that I am sure can leave you wishing you had an extra pair of shorts.

Deep Blue Sea was a relatively more recent film following a group of captive sharks that are purposefully genetically modified to be smarter as they are being used to harvest stem cells for treating Alzheimer’s. (You might think this sounds like a whacked up, far out idea but you’d be amazing what medical researchers use for experiments. For instance, some bloke figured out that you could harvest nerve cells from a dog’s olfactory bulb, the part used for scent, and re-implant them in injured spinal cords to fix paralysis. They must be paying dozens of scientists all over the world to think up ideas like this). So these sharks take hunting to a whole new extreme, and it never hurts to have the righteous voice of Samuel L. Jackson in the cast to bring out the fear of God in you if the sharks weren’t enough.

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If you haven’t seen Deep Blue Sea I strongly recommend it. Sometimes a horror film about something that truly exists is just what the doctor called for, and these doctors are a lot of fun, well, that is if you call fun watching them get eaten.

And though I have not been able to see it yet, Sharknado was the topic of many reviews this summer, bringing the horror of a great white shark attack from the ocean to the cornfields of the Mid-West. You know it’s on my radar to catch that flick once it’s realieasd on blu-ray.

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Now that I’ve convinced you yellow-bellied land lovers to stay 10-feet from shore, and given props to my goddess friend Mother Nature for her ghastly and demonic child, I will have to point out that while I remain petrified of sharks, there are a lot worse creatures out there. The Great White Shark is quite the creation to bring images of blood-filled summer days to our minds, but there is one species on this planet that can defeat all the other species combined for its unparalleled appetite for destruction:

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Posted on September 4, 2013, in Features, Horror of Horrors, Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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