Let Me Put My Suggestions In You: The Retron

Welcome , Welcome , Welcome to another edition of suggestions. I know you all look forward to weekly suggestions from myself and the geeks, so let’s get right to it. This week, instead of giving you something to read or something to watch, I am going to go all hardware on you guys (take that as you will, you pervs) and suggest something that is staggeringly underappreciated or just unknown to most people. But first, I am going to ask you all a question. How many people still have working Nintendos and Segas and Super Nintendos? Not many. I know we all have one in the basement somewhere, but most likely it needs to be shaken or hit on the side for it to work properly. It’s a shame because we still want to play our old games, but most of the time we just can’t get the damn system to work. You can’t be too mad though, as that system had previously provided you with hours of entertainment, but it just simply got too old and couldn’t keep up. You wouldn’t yell at your grandfather because he can’t go running with you or throw down on some floor hockey. That would just be rude, but what if I told you there is a way to play those old game cartridges that doesn’t involve you getting an emulator on your PC? You would shit yourselves. Prepare your anuses….for the Retron is coming.

“Oh Arthur! There is not enough sorcery in this world or any world to come up with something with such unfathomable power!” you may say to yourself. NAY I say! There is such a monstrosity and it is something you can run out right now and purchase. The Retron is a beast formed from the combined parts of multiple systems, and it sound almost like a hybrid creature made by Dr. Frankenstein. The Retron itself is a wonder for old school gamers and people who haven’t felt the need to move onto other more modern systems such as the Playstations and Xboxes, and features strictly older games. The best part of it though, is that it is not system specific, and it has ports for most of the major systems from back in the day. For example, the version that I have is the Retron 3, and it hosts the ability to play Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis carts, and it may be the most amazing thing I own. If you doubt it’s power, just simply refer back to my Hyrule Superbowl post, as I played all of Link to the Past on the retron, as well as Mario Allstars and Super Metroid. I do have a Super and regular Nintendo, but this is so much more convenient and it actually works. Its simply wonderful.

The thing about most older gamers now is that we will still play games that are more modern and up to date, but sometimes you just want to throw in the original Brothers and just go to town on some nostalgia. I can’t say how many nights Lady Harkness and myself have spent in front of the flat screen tv playing Super Mario World on the Retron. You cannot imagine the sheer glee of playing something that I used to have to play on an antennae tv on a big flat screen in my room. It was borderline ridiculous to the point where I almost shed a digital tear. Seeing Mario hop over pits and smash his foes on a crisp clear picture is unbelievable. Now it’s not to say that I do not enjoy modern games, but there is just something about playing NBA Jam with one of my older buddies who didn’t get into the newer systems and whatnot, and seeing the joy on their face as I completely destroy them on the wooden battlefield. They don’t care about winning or losing, they just want to play something simple and entertaining. The Retron provides the ability to do so, and it is sorely underrated. Now if I may make a suggestion concerning the system itself, it would be to grab some extra controllers from wherever you purchased it from, mainly console specific, as the original controllers are better than the Retron ones. Nothing against them, but your brain will specifically remember the buttons to the original controllers and you may not be able to switch properly. It feels slightly odd to play Mario with a Genesis controller, and your brain just simply won’t have it. Damn muscle memory!

Now as a warning, I will say that multiple different version of the Retron exists now, so choosing the one that is right for you may be slightly difficult. To be honest though, the newest version, the Retron 5 is most likely going to be your best bet. Sporting the ability to play Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Genesis, Famicom, and Game Boy games, the Retron 5 is an absolute monster. Let me say this one more time…..GAME BOY GAMES!!!  How awesome is that? I know that there exists adaptors to play Game Boy games on the Super Nintendo and GameCube, but this is all built in and you would not need those systems to play the GameBoy games on your tv. The Retron does it all for you in one complete and convenient package, and my package is nicely and conveniently stiffened. It’s absolutely crazy. Thinking back, I am almost positive no one would have expected this to happen one day. All of the major consoles from our childhood put into one system with the ability to easily switch between each one without having to unhook the system, and hook up the next one. All you need is the Retron, and you are pretty much good to go. Those all night gaming sessions you had with your siblings or cousins or friends are once again possible, and actually more easily attainable now. Ugh, it literally makes me salivate just thinking about it. All the games I didn’t get a chance to play as a kid I have been going through now in my spare time. I never got a chance to play Super Metroid as a kid, now I have. I never got the chance to play Link to the Past as a kid, now I have. Never got the chance to play Final Fantasy 3 as a kid, and now I can. It literally makes my inner child smile with delight.

I would love to be able to write more about this, but to be honest, the Retron sells itself. If you have any love for old school gaming and have been craving sessions of originals, I implore you to go out and find one of these bad boys and just go to town on it. I know you will not be disappointed, and I still thank my buddy weekly for getting this for me for Christmas. It was an awesome gift, and one that I use as often as I can. Now go get yourself a Retron. You’ll thank me later.

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About Arthur Harkness

I like things, and things like me back

Posted on August 20, 2013, in Let Me Put My Suggestions In You, Recommendations, Video Games and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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