Villain Spotlight: Diamond Dallas Page
Ladies and gentlemen…..for the thousands reading this column live, and the millions of people around the world (who should be reading this column right now,) welcome back to the VILLLLAAAIN SPOOOOOOTTTTTLLLIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTTT!!!! I know you have all missed me this week, and for good reason. I have been sadly absent for the past week, mainly due to hunting of the fiscal nature, and I had given over duties for the Suggestions and Horrors to our newest contributor and horror fan Lillith. She has done an amazing job, and if you haven’t gotten a chance to check her stuff out, do so now. It’s awesome. Praise aside, I must say that it is good to be back in the saddle. Because the Brotherhood is full of champions, and I feel like you deserve a gold winning spotlight this week. Now most of you may not know, but Big Evil, Greekimus and I are old school wrestling fans. Unfortunately I have fallen off the wagon over the past ten years, but I do keep up here and there. I do love some older Monday Night Wars shows though. The old Nitro vs RAW battles that would take place every week were my bread and butter. Not so much anymore, but at least they gave us some awesome characters and even a movie or two. One such movie, which may not peak as high on some of your lists as it does mine, mainly for the sheer goober factor. That movie, is Ready to Rumble, and the source of this week’s spotlight. Put your hands together for the master of the Diamond Cutter, and the despoiler of crowns, Diamond Dallas Page!
If you are a wrestling fan in any way, you will know this name. Trudging the line between and heel and babyface, DDP always knew how to play the crowds. It’s called fucking ring psychology and a few people nowadays could learn from that. Whether it be the way he moves, the way he fights, or the way he speaks, he always had the people eating out of the palm of his hand. Needless to say, he was perfect for the role as the main villain in Ready to Rumble. You could have picked a hundred guys off of the WCW roster (it was a WCW movie, so no WWF/WWE wrestlers in this, but you do get Chris Jericho for a minute, and that’s awesome). The movie stars, and I use stars loosely, David Arquette and Scott Caan. Looks like Sonny’s son has made some questionable choices. To be honest, I most likely won’t comment too much on them, but you can believe Oliver Platt and DDP will be covered in full. CROWN EM’ KING!!!
The movie chronicles the adventures of the two said main characters as they attempt to go and see a live taping of Nitro where Oliver Platt as Jimmy King will be defending his title against DDP in the main event. Needless to say they are devoted to Jimmy King, and will not suffer fools who do not bend the knee in worship to him. There is trouble in paradise however, as Jimmy King is secretly a raging alcoholic and continuously shows up late and or drunk to shows. His status as champion and high end merch seller goes to his head, and he believes that he can do what he wants, when he wants. His boss, Titus Sinclair, who’s name just oozes asshole, decides that this is the night that he will fuck over Jimmy King, and finally give the belt to DDP. DDP, not being one to be barred from shining as well, goes along with the plan, and proceeds to destroy Jimmy King for real, and then essentially throws professional work ethic out the door as Titus crowns him the new champ, and bans Jimmy King for life from WCW. It’s amazing how storylines can mimic life, huh? Jimmy King is banned, and will never have another shot to wrestle in the WCW. Well, not unless our boys David and Scott have their say. They go across the country to find King, and attempt to bring him back to his roots, all the while King complains and bitches and gets hit hard in the balls multiple times. So sue me, I am a child at heart sometimes. Nut shots will always make me laugh. While King is busy training, DDP is busy looking good and making sure he stays atop the wrestling world.
I have to give praise to Page for being able to act so well in this movie. I know it isn’t Oscar worthy or even raspberry worthy, but for what he was given, he nailed it. You really hated him, and you screamed when King ambushes him and brains him with a toilet seat. You wanted it to happen, and you loved when it did. He exuded this sort of confidence that you need to have in order to get ahead in that kind of business, and he gave off that feeling of tenacity and pure evil that is needed to do what he does. He also exudes that sort of slight cowardice that makes so many villains into proper villains. Most of them do not want to take the fight head on, and prefer to use underhanded tactics to get the job done, and he is not above that. I love it. A scrape of a boot heel into the other guys face, a point to your brain, and suddenly you are the smartest guy in the ring. It’s typical heel fashion, and it works to perfection. He gets in your head, and makes you question yourself and your abilities, much like what happens to Jimmy King. As King is training (Sal Mandini! Wanna Wrestle?) DDP is eating up the spotlight and making himself known as the greatest in the world. Titus also decides to give King one last shot, and if he can beat Page in a 3 cages of hell match, he’ll win a million dollars and his championship back. You know what that means….. GIANT FOAM FINGERS!!!! FOAM CROWNS!! MOYCHANDIZING!!!
King gathers up a group of loyal wrestlers, and they decide to take it to Page in the cage. King fights and fights, and when it looks like DDP is going to drop him off the cage, and pretty much murder a man on television, King summons some secret strength and tosses Page over the side, and almost commits murder on television. King wins, and DDP is shown being helped back into the arena locker room; defeated, bruised, and bloodied. Which is a fucking shame. DDP should have walked out of that the champ, mainly because he is too fucking cool to lose. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Jimmy King, but DDP is just too awesome and plays his part too well to be denied. I guess that is what you get when you side with a shitty asshole named Titus Sinclair. Shit Joe Pantoliano was made for that smarmy little prick of a role. I love his work, and he was the best part of the Matrix, so I have to give him some credit too. He knows how to play backstabbing weasels very well. And you are all going to have to humor me for a minute here as I go into full on wrestling fan….but DDP has the best fucking cutter move in all of wrestling. Hands fucking down. The Diamond Cutter is just so explosively effective. There is nobody who can pull off that finishing move anywhere near as well. Orton does it very well, but he still has things to learn from DDP in that respect. Austin had the Stunner, which is a modified version of that, so I won’t include it, but his is amazing too. I can’t even tell you how many kids would walk in fear through the halls of my middle school under threats of surprise stunners. It was glorious.
I honestly can’t say enough good things about Diamond Dallas Page. Even now he is still keeping relevant, for the most part, with a yoga program aimed at helping current and former wrestlers keep their bodies in healthy shape and helping return them to healthy shape. The work he has been doing with former addiction riddled wrestlers is nothing short of amazing. Between helping Jake The Snake Roberts stay clean or helping Scott Hall help himself, he is just a shining example of what could be and what shouldn’t be. Good on you DDP. As good of a villain as you have been, you have been acting the hero the past few years, and we all appreciate that so much. Keep up the good work, and hopefully a King vs Page rematch will happen in my lifetime. CROWN EM!!!!!
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