Let Me Put My Suggestions In You: The Belmont Exclusion
Welcome back glorious readers to another edition of Suggestions. Today marks a day that I thought would never come. It is a day where I will need to put my comedy on the back burner, and finally get to something serious…and by serious, I am referring to the exclusion of a certain series from another certain series. It’s a goddamn travesty and something that I simply cannot tolerate anymore. Nintendo…..Let me put my suggestions in you. I have never full on requested anything of a company, (except my open letters to DC, which you can find on this site) but I must do so now. Nintendo…..Smash Bros….where are the freaking Belmonts?!?!?!
I am a big fan of Nintendo, and I would say any person would be and should be. For years they have been giving us title after title and property after property, and almost all of them amazingly good. Between your standard Mario to Zelda, Metroid to Donkey Kong, Nintendo has such a rich a vibrant library that you would rarely be hard up for something fun to play. Even now their old games stand the test of time, and you can find yourself playing them over and over. Hell, I just played Link to the Past all the way through at the beginning of this year in my world renowned column Hyrule Superbowl. Nintendo just simply knows how to make games, and how to make them fun. It’s somewhat remarkable that they can consistently put out such good games and rarely stumble. However, not all that can be said about Nintendo is good, and I will tell you why. If you look at all of the Smash Bros games that have been released, there seems to be something missing, and it is something very important to me. If you have been to this site before, you will know that the Evil Geeks love Castlevania, and the fact that the Belmonts and Alucard have been excluded from entering the melee with the rest of the Nintendo greats, is very heartbreaking to me. To be honest, it’s somewhat confusing. I can understand including Mario and Luigi, Link and Samus, Donkey Kong and Marth, but they even added Solid Snake and Sonic. Two non Nintendo characters, yet the Belmonts and Alucard are thrown by the wayside. Why is that? Let’s take a look.
Castlevania tells the story of a family of vampire hunters who have sworn vengeance on Dracula and have time and time again thwarted his plans to rule over the earth. Even Dracula’s son Alucard has stopped him, and was the star of the amazing Symphony of the Night, but why the exclusion? These characters were born to fight, and fighting is what Smash Bros is all about. It’s actually ludicrous speed that they haven’t included them. The whips, the power ups, the jumping, the sub weapons….everything fits so perfectly well in the Smash universe that it is almost a crime to keep them out of it. How in the fuck are you going to have goddamn Jigglypuff and a giant hand that I am almost positive is responsible for one or two sex offenses, and no Belmonts? The Belmonts have served the earth for years and have gone through so many hardships and travesties that keeping them out is almost a slap in the face. I can understand if Konami is holding back as it is their IP, but if Sega and Nintendo can work something out to put Sonic in there, I think Konami can stop making Dance Dance games for a bit and let Nintendo do something right for once. Shit you could even add Gabriel Belmont from the more recent titles if you wanted to, although we would all be clamoring for Simon, Richter or Alucard, it would at least sedate me to the point of maybe not getting so upset. I just don’t understand how this could have happened, and how it is continuing to happen. I mean COME ON!!!!
The sheer amount of glee and excitement that I would have if they decided to include the Belmonts in any fashion into one of the great mash up/party games in Nintendo’s library, would be more than enough to cause me to go out right now and buy a Wii U. I am not even joking. I have not bought a Nintendo system since the Gamecube, which I adored, but would do so right now if they announce the inclusion of one of gaming’s most beloved families. It’s really baffling to me that they have not put them in there, to the point where I may sound nearly belligerent. I just feel that we are all missing out on something wonderful, and Nintendo is missing out on some of my money. I have almost little to no problem with the casts they have included in all of the Smash Bros games, but it would just be so much better if I could whip Mario in the face or toss a bottle of holy water on that unholy abomination that is Waluigi, if he is included as well. If you guys have heard our Nintendo podcast from a while ago, you may know that I have no doubt Waluigi is the most evil character in the Nintendo universe, and the fact that they have not given him his own game just goes to show that his deeds cannot be shown on screen.
Nintendo….I severely urge you to heed my advice and listen to my suggestion as there are too many positives to be gained from including the Belmonts and Alucard into the Smash Bros series. It is such a mind blowing travesty that they have not been included yet, and you guys really need to do this. Whether it be through keeping the game in development for another few months or adding them as possible DLC later on, it needs to be done. Not just for me, but for all of the Castlevania and Smash Bros fans out there who need a dose of Castlevania goodness. I look forward to your response, and to the bringing of the whip wielding heroes to the family. Until then, let us go out this evening for pleasure….while the night is still young. Later Geeks!
PS: COME ON!!!!!!
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