Horror of Horrors: Event Horizon
Welcome back everyone for another dose of the terribly frightening Horror of Horrors! This week we will be taking a look at the only movie to ever really scare me as a kid, and for good reason. Besides seeing the old wizard in Krull body morph into that horrid creature, no other film has ever made me want to throw the sheets over my head, except for this one. It is a trip through space and hell, aptly titled as that is exactly where they go. Grab my hand everyone, it’s time for a trip on the Event Horizon!!
Event Horizon is what I would like to call a NOPE movie. Released in 1997 starring Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill , it details the rescue mission sent to locate and retrieve the Event Horizon, a ship that was lost years ago but has since been sending SOS signals. Now for those of you who are savvy with internet lingo, NOPE essentially means FUCK THAT. Giant spiders, hook horrors, jumping vagina creatures, dick door knobs; pretty much all of those can be classified under the NOPE category. The funny thing is that Even Horizon isn’t really scary for that much of the movie. Granted it is definitely creepy and at times horrifying, but general scares are not its point of fame. The real horror is displayed in about a 10-20 second clip, which I will mention later on. Before that, we must take a look at why we are here.
After receiving the transmission from the Event Horizon, Fishburne and his crew are sent out to locate it and see if they can figure out what happened. It had been “lost” 7 years earlier, and attempts had been made to find out what happened, with little to no info being found. The thing that is so intriguing and the reason why a crew was sent to get the ship, was that it was using technology that could bend space and create worm holes, somewhat like folding a piece of paper, except with reality. Now imagine that shit. Your ride to work taking too long? Bend reality and get there sooner. Line at the Great Escape pissing you off? Bend that shit into your favor and bypass that asshole holding the giant purple dog. It’s as if they created that technology specifically for the purpose of fucking around. Its rather funny to be honest. No offense to humans, but I’m sure that given the right person, that technology could be used to do horrible things, and by horrible I mean purely and grossly provocative. The crew arrives on the Event Horizon, and they are horrified to find that there was a giant massacre on the ship, and everyone is dead in the worst of ways, or super dead as I like to call it. They proceed to investigate, and learn that the ship went through the wormhole when they activated their space bending engines, and instead of just cutting through space, they bent time and reality and ended up in a place nobody really wants to visit; Hell. They locate a video recording of the jump into hell, and my nightmares are born. The scene of them looking at the video, and the subsequent torture and screaming that the former crew is enduring, is haunting to say the least. The visions, blood, spike and pikes are just so brutal that I had to pull the covers over my head. It was literally like 10-20 seconds of hell-feed, and it made me afraid for so long. It’s a testament to the power of having a spike driven into your asshole and forced out of your mouth that makes me act like a good person….for the most part.
The funny thing is though, is when I see things like this, like the whole hell scene, I wonder how awkward it must have been for those actors to film. I am assuming they stand around bloody and naked, and then when the director calls action, they spring into tortured and in pain mode. Hey Bill, what did you do last night? Oh nothing, hung out with the kids and took the wife to…ACTION!! Blurgggeheggegege oh my god this hurts and the skin is being flayed from my bones!! My mouth is being filled with the horror of a thousand dead but moving spiders and my legs are beings torn apart and boiled on the inside with my own blood!! Oh God the pain and…CUT!! And so yeah the wife and I went out to dinner after that. Quiet and nice for once haha. AND ACTION!! BLAAAAARGGGGGGHHHHHH. I figure it would go something along those lines. Moving on. The Crew, mortified by what they have seen, decide to just destroy the ship, but by this point, the ship itself has already acquired some sentience, and is telepathic. We all know what this means…SKYNET!!! Just kidding, but the ship does start fucking with everyone in terrible fashion. Feeding on their worst fears, it bends and breaks the crew into either killing themselves in some fashion, or into killing each other. It makes me shiver just thinking about a specific scene with a specific character who does something so specifically stupid, that I never want to go into space ever. Unless it is on a mission to Oa to report for duty in the Green Lantern Corp. One of the crew, Sam Neill to be exact, begins having the worst hallucinations out of all of them, and he seems to be the one that cracks the hardest. He begins siding with the ship, and proceeds to help it kill off the crew. Him being a widower, you can only imagine what form the ship takes to fuck with his head.
After a while, everything goes to shit, and most of the crew is either dead or pretty close to it. Sam Neill is given some pretty serious powers by the ship, as in a whole bunch of cuts and scars, but telepathy and fear mongering as well. He is able to scare everyone well enough, but Fishburne channels his Cowboy Curtis persona and gets all wild west on Sam Neill, and blows the motherfucking bridge to smithereens, unfortunately with himself on it as well, sacrificing his life to save the remaining crew members. Hard as fuck Cowboy Curtis. Sam Neill is blown into space, and shit finally stops being real for a few minutes as the crew leaves on their original ship, and head towards home, wherever that may be. Earth? Jupiter? Heaven? Anywhere but the Event Horizon. It seriously still gives me goosebumps just thinking about this movie. I know I am not giving it much justice, mainly because I have been trying to be less spoiler heavy for you all, just so you can enjoy what I bring to you on your own time. However, it will not stop me from at least letting you know what happens, just not in such detailed manner. Nobody likes to know what happens throughout an entire book/movie/game, but I hope the juicy morsels I provide you all will give you that bit of incentive to go out and enjoy these on your own. It would bring me much pleasure to hear that.
I have also started a new column titled “Let Me Put My Suggestions In You”, with the inaugural segment being published yesterday. You all should go and read that one now, and see what I want to put inside of your brains. I promise it isn’t what you think, it’s a book, not a body part. Once again, I would like to thank you all for visiting and hanging out with The Brotherhood of Evil Geeks, and if you have any suggestions or requests for me to look into, I would love to hear it. And just wait till you see what I have in store for the Villain Spotlight this week. I think you will all be very happy. At least I know I will be.
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