The Vikings – Episode 3: Dispossessed
Welcome back my little warriors to this week’s look at The Vikings! Sunday nights have recently become a sheer feast of battle and the undead for me, and I could not be happier. I am not sure about any of you, but not thinking about the malevolent shadow that is sure to be cast by the looming presence of Monday, Sundays have become my favorite day for television. I look forward to meeting back up with my Vikings and zombie Slayers for some weekly goodness. This week was no exception. Coming off the heels of a new Walking Dead, The Vikings delivered on a promise of a meeting between a successful (albeit humble) Ragnar, and the increasingly dickish Earl after Ragnar returns with riches and spoils from a new land in the west. Let’s take a look at how things played out, shall we? For Odin!
Ragnar returns after a successful attempt at sailing west in search of new lands and riches. Finding a monastery and raiding it for all its worth, the Vikings bring back slaves (monks) and riches (crucifixes, idols, gold and silver) from the settlement, presenting them to the Earl in a display that screams the loudest of all Fuck You’s. The Earl, who towards the beginning of the episode, sends one of his henchmen to ask a few questions of Ragnar’s wife and son, while his wife by all means obliges by picking up an axe and giving him a look of total emasculation. His balls recede into his body, and he attempts to make himself seem more like a man by acquiring a neighboring woman’s son to bring back to the Earl, promising that if he doesn’t come with him, he will not get his steel rings( symbols of being accepted as man within Viking culture). It’s a coward’s move, but an effective one at that. The henchman leaves, and we are pondering this poor boy’s fate.
Ragnar ties up his boat, and proceeds to be hailed by all who are present on the docks, mainly for not fucking up and doing what he said he would do. Ragnar, not stupid enough to boast too much, simply talks shit to Knut, the one who decided to stay behind as he wasn’t too sure of Ragnar’s ability to find land. In the meantime, Knut has become a trusted man of the Earl, which will later on, in hilarious fashion, come back to haunt him. Poor Knut, makes one mistake and everyone looks at him like some dickbag. Guess that is what you get for being a dickbag, I guess. Rangar, fresh from the sea, drags his slave, the monk Athelstan, through the streets, and is greeted by men who let him know the Earl has summoned him. Ragnar, knowing that his balls are more steely now, smiles and says it would be his pleasure. The funny thing is though, is that most people would take this opportunity to gloat in everyone’s face…but Ragnar, being the intelligent man that he is, plays it cool and bends to the Earl’s whim. Doing this not only gets the Earl off his back for the immediate future, but also lets him know that he is aware that he was successful ,and you can’t take that away from him. The Earl, being the merciful (cough cough) man that he is, allows each of Ragnar’s band to take one item from the haul, since everything that they find is for everyone, and since the Earl counts as everyone, it is all his now. Not surprisingly , this doesn’t sit well with Rangar’s band of men. However, Ragnar is not too upset, and chooses the monk, Athelstan as his one piece of the haul. Rollo, Ragnar’s brother, is not too keen on the whole thing, and decides to take a couple extra things in secret. Showing them to Ragnar, he is proud of his slight of hand, however, Ragnar, knowing that the Earl will most likely be super pissed, gets angry himself and scolds his brother for taking more than necessary (Odin knows we’ve all been there before).
The highlight of the episode, and the part that I think most people will be talking about, is the proposed 3 way between Ragnar, his wife, and Athlestan. Ragnar and his wife, after coming back and tying up the monk to a tree, much like a dog, introduces the monk to his family, and they are reunited in victory. Ragnar’s son and daughter, are immediately left outside to tend to whatever the fuck is out there, so the parents can get right to the after voyage boning….which lasts for hours apparently. Going long into the night, the monk, who was allowed into the house so as to not have to sleep outside. The boning is still on in full force, and much like giddy teenagers, Ragnar and Lagertha slyly ask the monk if he would like to join them, and the ultimate question is asked and answered. If a Viking is banging his Shield Maiden, and they ask a monk to join, will he do so? The answer is no, unfortunately. Testing his faith and stating the fact that he is a virgin, as he has given his life unto his “one god” , Athelstan denies them in poor sportsmanship, and we are denied the History Channel’s first televised three way. We also see the Earl dumping all of the treasure into a hole, and having the young boy he took killed and laid into the grave to guard the treasure, in what could only be called the king of dick moves. Such wholesome family values.
Ragnar, unlike many of his brethren and family, believes the monk could be of some use, and begins learning from him. Language, the lay of the lands, if they have kings and kingdoms…things any aspiring plunderer should know. Ragnar, being tha man that he is, appeals to the Earl and is allowed another expedition to the west, as long as he is accompanied by a man hand picked by the Earl himself, good ol’ Knut! As if he didn’t have enough shit to deal with already. Ragnar, noticing his shield maiden’s lust for battle, invites her to sail with them to the new lands. Knut, being the untrustworthy man he is, immediately starts eye raping Lagertha, and Rollo proceeds to choke the ever loving shit out of him for staring too hard. Vikings stand together, and if Knut isn’t going to do so, then he will be force fed to the sea. So badass. It reminds me of my family. Sails are raised, seas are sailed, and they make it back to the west, but this time, on a different isle. Meeting a scout party on the beach, the Vikings are not sure what to do. And in the ensuing talks, they proceed to literally kill everything in sight. Lagertha, Ragnar, and Rollo , along with one of my new favorite characters, Erik (they do not state if he is Erik the Red, and I do not assume he is, but he fits the description), lay into everything and kill everyone. Floki, being the meth crazed (speculated) Viking he is, rips the crucifix off of a man’s chest, and that is the catalyst for the ensuing battle. Ragnar, attempts to deal with things peacefully, but with intentions of killing if need be, and is somewhat disappointed in his men for being so hot blooded. But like most things, he gets over it, and they set off towards their new targets.
The preview of the next episode signals at some tension between Rollo and Ragnar, and also shows Floki being the crazy bastard that he is, literally insulting a whole room full of Christians. Watching the preview literally made me salivate in anticipation for a huge battle between my beloved Vikings, and the dirty, dirty Christians (haha calm down, it’s a joke in terms of the show itself, don’t get too upset about it). This show is fastly becoming my new favorite, behind the Walking Dead that is. Now you understand why I wait patiently, but with hot anticipation, for Sunday nights. Now pick up your swords and axes. Its time to head west…in search of victory. For Odin! And for Ragnar!!
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