Villain Spotlight: Simon Phoenix
Happy Holidays geeks! Tis the season for love….and the love of villainy. With such high profile stories being published right now in the DC and Marvel universes, I decided to let them rest for the moment, and choose someone from the land of the silver screen. It was rather difficult as there are just so many good villains to choose…but time leads us all down the correct path(for the most part). Ladies and Germs, I bring to you the shit talking, bleached blonde lover of chaos, Simon Phoenix!
How badass do you have to be for an entire country to deem you a threat to security, and the only way to stop you, is to freeze you? Granted, they could’ve executed him, but that would’ve deprived us all of an awesome character, and we all know that death cannot deter someone like Phoenix. Simon Phoenix, as played by Wesley Snipes, is a serial murderer, terrorist, thief, and pretty much any other adjective you can think of. Hailing from California, Phoenix has used his cunning and ruthless ways to bring anarchy and chaos to California. Dogging him with every step is the hero (bleh) and risk taking cop John Spartan, as played by Sylvester Stallone. We won’t talk about him today, except when necessary to show how awesome Phoenix is. Needless to say, Phoenix takes a whole building hostage, shit goes down, and both of the main characters are frozen in a max security prison, as they are both thought of as not being able to cope in the present. Which in all honesty, is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous and amazing things I have ever heard. Leave it to the US to perceive a threat, and decide to just freeze that bitch until someone else takes care of it (calm down Patriots, it’s a joke. We all know that’s Mr. Freeze’s job.)
Obviously, being frozen for so many years is going to have an effect on most people, but it doesn’t seem to have any sort of grip on Phoenix. He wakes up, and immediately continues with what he was doing before, and what he is great at….fucking crime. And I mean that in the best of ways. Whether it be scaring the shit out of Otho from Beetlejuice, getting into high speed car chases with Spartan (who was also thawed out), or just hitting up a Taco Bell full of people, he never seems out of place in the future, which is astounding considering how most people lose their shit when they enter a new city, let alone a new time period. It’s rather commendable in terms of his adaptability. In the same vein, the fact that he is charismatic enough to acquire a group of henches without even knowing them, makes him that much more dangerous. He was able to make people bend to his will with just words. Not many people have that ability. I would say he took points out of speed, strength , and dexterity….but that argument would be invalid since he is the perfect killing machine. He’s sort of like Errtu (my Forgotten Realms buddies just shit themselves) in terms of his need to cause so much destruction just to get what he wants. The intense rivalry with Spartan (his Drizzt, if I do say so myself) mirrors the Drow and Balor quite well. Maybe not in terms of length, but in sheer intensity and disdain, right on par.
I have a tendency to not necessarily become obsessed with movie villains, mainly because of their relatively short life span, but Phoenix is just one of those action movie performances that actually makes you like him, regardless of if he is the antagonist or protagonist. At the end of the film, I still didn’t care for John Spartan as much as I did for Phoenix. No offense to Stallone, I love Cobra and Rambo, but Wesley Snipes and the rest of the crew are the breakout stars, Denis Leary being the best and brightest of the whole cast. (Yes, I have a hard on for Denis Leary. Go watch “ No cure for Cancer” and you’ll agree with me. Who knows? Maybe rat burgers are fucking delicious and we are just so entitled that we don’t even consider it? I digress). Simon Phoenix engages Spartan in multiple battles, and although not always the victor, seems to get away clean every time. I love that. It’s the coward’s approach to live to fight another day, but he does it with such panache and gusto, that you don’t even consider him a coward. Its respectable in so many ways. Unfortunately, like most villains in movies, he winds up getting what he has coming to him from Spartan, the hero saves the day, everyone is happy, and blah blah blah. You know who wasn’t happy? Arthur Harkness. My wish to freeze him again for later use comes to a screeching halt when (spoilers!!! Actually, no..no spoilers. Its been around since 1993. You lost your spoiler warning if you haven’t seen it yet) John Spartan shatters his frozen body into a thousand little pieces, and my heart broke into the same.
This one is for you Simon Phoenix. Wishing you a speedy recovery, and if the universe is kind, you will reform like Saddam in Hot Shots part Dieux. Auto Inflate!!!
I would also like to take this opportunity to just thank all of the readers and responders to the site. Not even just the ones who respond specifically to me. But all of you. You guys are all so awesome, that it’s not even funny. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas of who they would possibly like featured in the Villain Spotlight (I even keep it secret from the other geeks), do not hesitate to follow me or let me know in the comments. I am always open to suggestions and chatting with you all. Once again, a huge thank you to all of the visitors.
Onward! To Victory!
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