The Walking Dead Zombie Round-Up: When the Dead Come Knocking

Dear Valve, I think you have your cast for the next Left 4 Dead game. Sincerely, Your Friendly Neighborhood C-Mart.

Welcome, Welcome, WELCOME BACK Evil Geeks!   We are back to full functionality this week and the Evil Lair is once again humming with the sweet sounds of the internet (cable tv is a different story… pardon my French, but “Vas te faire encule Time Warner!!!”).  Thankfully I was able to check in with everyone’s favorite post zombie apocalypse survivors on The Walking Dead, because it looks like the shit’s about to go down in or around the area of Woodbury.  Before we get started, I’ll issue the standard Evil Geeks Spoiler Warning:

C-Mart’s about to spill the zombie beans on the latest TWD ep!

“Ummmmm…if you’re a human and not a brain-munching, reanimated corpse could you say at least one word?” and “Mental note: Have talk with Carl about ‘Stranger Danger’.”  What do those mean?  They were the two thoughts running through Rick’s mind immediately after meeting Michonne.  At the end of last weeks episode, Michonne had sauntered up to the prison, casually mingling with a horde of ravenous ghouls.  At the beginning of this week’s show, Rick is left to wonder exactly who or what he is staring at.  Michonne isn’t speaking or really moving at all; she’s just standing there practically catatonic while giving Rick a blank stare, but she has the basket of infant formula with her.  He’s left to wonder for a few seconds if she’s a walker or a human.  The first inkling of humanity she demonstrates is when she begins attacking the zombies who’ve slowly figured out that she isn’t one of them.  She manages to take a few of them out, but she succumbs to the effects of the bullet that’s still in her leg, which has now tag-teamed up with exhaustion to make Michonne pass out.  In order to prevent her from being swarmed with walkers, Carl begins firing at the horde.  Nice move doofus.  You may have saved the girl, but now you’re attracting every zombie within earshot.  Rick eventually decides to open the gate and get Michonne to safety.  When she awakens, she’s treated to some world-renowned Southern Hospitality and finds herself cuffed to the bars of a prison cell.  There is some discussion among the group about what to do with Michonne, but ultimately the Rick-tator decides that once she’s bandaged up, they’ll be sending her on her way.  Being the ever congenial one, Michonne naturally distrusts the group of survivors who just prevented her from becoming the undead lunch special in front of the prison.  Hershel cleans her wounds and eventually she begins talking to Rick and the others.  The entire time I was watching this, I only had one thought on my mind:  How the hell is Michonne still alive?  She has an open gunshot wound which got drenched in zombie blood, guts, spunum, and let’s face it, probably a little bit of poop.  I’m willing to believe in a world where the dead rise, but I’m crying “BULLSHIT” when you ask me to believe that her gunshot didn’t get at least A LITTLE BIT of zombie blood in it.  For crying out loud, in 28 Days Later Brendan Gleeson gets zombified when he gets a drop of blood in his eye!  There’s no way that Michonne wouldn’t have zombified, but whatever, I don’t write the show, I just write the thing where I bitch about the show.  Anyway, a still human Michonne tells Rick that Glen and Maggie were captured and most likely taken to Woodbury to be dealt with by the Governor.  Rick decides that he, Darryl, and Oscar going to sneak into Woodbury to rescue Glen and Maggie, with Michonne leading the way.  Rick shares some parting words with Carl before leaving and soon enough they are on their way.  As the group is approaching Woodbury, they run across what they believe to be an abandoned shack while trying to avoid a crowd of walkers.  Inside they discover a rotting dead dog and a very insane hermit with a shotgun.  The deranged man begins ranting about calling the police and tries to make a run for the door, which is now being pounded on by a swarm of walkers.  Before he can open it, Michonne runs him through with her blade.  Am I the only one who thinks the sword needs a name?  I’m going to call it Ol’ Slicey for now.  The group tosses his body to the zombies who begin chowing down on him immediately, which allows the group to slip away undetected.

Merle is super pissed that his dream of becoming a concert pianist was completely taken from him.

Over in Woodbury, Andrea and the Governor have banged their way into a cozy little alliance.  It appears the Governor is beginning to trust her (well, the “Lieutenant Governor” certainly seems to be a big fan anyway) and he is including her in more of his business.  He gives her the task in assisting Milton with one of his experiments.  One of the townspeople is on the verge of dying and Milton has been giving him a constant stream of cues and mental triggers in hopes that when he dies then reawakens, he’ll remember the cues, thus becoming docile.  Turns out Milton’s theory is a big pile of shit, because as soon as Milton unleashes the old guy after he dies, the first thing he does is lunge right for Milton’s jugular and Andrea bury’s a knife in his undead skull.

So what’s the Governor up to while Andrea and Milton are playing science?  It turns out, he and his cronies are up to some downright despicable doings.  Merle has been working Glen over like a Slam Man dummy in hopes of being able to wrangle the location of where Rick, Darryl, and T-Dog are hiding out.  Glen breaks the news that T-Dog didn’t make it, so now Merle only needs to settle a score with Rick, Glen and Darryl.  Merle ups the torture level a bit by leaving  Glen to fend for himself against a walker, while Glen is tied to a chair.  Through all of the pain though, Glen never reveals the location of the prison.  While Merle is giving Glen a hefty dose of physical torture, the Governor has personally decided to put Maggie through some mental and emotional torture.  He forces her to remove her shirt and bra in front of him and begins to give her the impression that he’s about to rape her, even going so far as to forcefully bend her over a table.  Instead of following through with the horrifying act, he drags a still topless Maggie over to Glen’s holding area with all of his men in tow, hoping that the implied rape would be enough to break Glen.  Instead, he holds and it’s Maggie who gives up the location of the prison when the Governor threatens Glen.

You….saw my…girlfriend’s boobs? You all saw my girlfirend’s boobs?!?!?

The players are all in place for next week’s mid-season finale and boy is it shaping up to be a bloody one!  The Governor has been revealed to be a class one scumbag, bigger than Shane even.  Rick and Company are on their way to Woodbury and they sure have killing on their minds.  Then there’s Andrea too; what side will she come down on.  She seems kind of miffed at the others for leaving her behind and she sure is enjoying the Governor’s company.  Will the promise of being a step-mom to a zombie child be enough for her to side with the Gov? or will she find out about what the Governor did to Glen and Maggie and end up sympathizing with them?  And most importantly, now that Andrea and the Governor are an item, is she allowed access to the head fish tank room?  Find out next week as we recap the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead!

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About C-Mart

A true Marvel Zombie, die-hard George Romero fan, Star Wars addict, Whovian, and life-long gamer. I make with the Tweets @CMart0979

Posted on November 28, 2012, in Geekology, Reviews, TV and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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