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30 Days Hath Novembeard – Day 19

I was too young to have seen the original Star Wars films in the theater. Likewise, while I had many of the original action figures, they were inherited from my older brothers. The assortment of hand-me-down toys included just about all of the principal characters (my Han was in Hoth duds, but I was okay with that), a few storm troopers, a handful of assorted aliens, and this  indifferent  man with a beard…

The General

Look how steep the slope of his hair is!

I had no idea who this guy was! Back then, the movies weren’t readily available to me. I saw them once in a while and usually on busy holidays. Was this Ben Kenobi from the Clone Wars? No, who would want to see that…  Was he an imperial commander or something?  Well, he didn’t have a helmet on or anything. But he must have been something awesome, or else they wouldn’t have made a toy out of him, right? Wrong.  I didn’t understand that way that George Lucas’ mind worked (and I still don’t).  It wasn’t until I was around 8 and watching Return of the Jedi at the house of a family friend that I noticed him in the movie.

Holy shit! His hair is really like that!

He was the guy who told the main characters how they should begin blowing up the second Death Star. And then he sat back down! I had a toy modeled after a bureaucrat within the Rebellion’s infrastructure.  This guy was no good in my sandbox Sarlaac pit!  He didn’t deserve to come out in my backyard during snowstorms! I should have just given him to my little sister, he was of no more use to me than a Pound Puppy.

And all of this was before I knew about the accessory with which he was originally packaged.

Even the photo on the card is pissed that they made this toy.

Do you see it?  It’s under his right hand, a thin gray rod. Now, obviously it’s a presentation pointer, right? There’s no need for a cattle prod on a spaceship.  I doubt they were in on the joke, so it’s not a parade baton. It has to be a little wand for him to point at parts of a holographic Death Star and boss Han Solo around. Now, I’m not saying that he doesn’t have balls for barking orders at 80s Harrison Ford, but I don’t think that means he should get an action figure.  However,  he still deserves one more than Alan Alda does.

MASH action figure

However, Hawkeye Pierce had the potential for cooler accessories.

Goodbye, Farewell and Amen, Geeks.

All images and characters depicted are copyright of their respective owners.

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Posted on November 19, 2012, in Novembeard and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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