30 Days Hath Novembeard – Day 3

As we continue our Nerdy Novembeard series, we pause today to remember the life of a Titan in the world of facial hair:

MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE

Randy Savage

This is what steroids do to your pecker, kids.

Wrestling was never really my thing.  My older brothers loved it, but that was typical of kids the 80s. They had all of those creepy rubber wrestling figures and everything. It wasn’t my thing, though, and by the time the 90s came around and I was making the decisions about the family’s major action figure purchases, we were onto the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the X-Men.However, Macho Man was one of the characters that I always found to be interesting.  He played a scumbag possessive boyfriend (RIP Miss Elizabeth) but still came off as one of the good guys.  Maybe it was my love of Slim Jims that lionized him in my mind despite his douchey persona.

Slender James

Part of a balanced lunch, ooh yeah!

We, as a society, have been very careless with our Spider-Man movies.  It only took 3 installments for the series to be deemed irredeemable, and there was so much more story to be told.  Now that they’ve rebooted the Spider-Man film franchise, kids of the future will have to distinguish between version of the origin story as “The Bonesaw Version” and “The Skateboarding Version”.  They will rarely mention the skateboarding version.

Bonesaw McGraw

BONESAW IS READY!

Look at that beard… it’s dewy with the natural juices of a demigod. I would wager that a teaspoon his sweat contained more testosterone than Taylor Lautner’s entire scrotum. Upon Mr. Savage’s passing, his beard was rushed via plane to Johns Hopkins University where it was used to create 13 lesser beards for post-op transsexuals. A hero even in death.

Posted on November 3, 2012, in Novembeard and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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