Monthly Archives: November 2012

Evil Geek Book Report – Game of Thrones: A Storm of Swords

Hey now, to all you Evil Geeks out there, it’s about time for another Evil Geek Book Review!  Today we’re getting back to Izzy Vassilakis Eden’s ongoing review of the Game of Thrones series.  I said I’d be dropping these weekly buuuuuttttt with the holiday and all C-Mart got a little too distracted and turkey tranquilized to get last weeks post up, so I apologize for leaving everyone hanging.  We’re finally back and going strong this week though!  We’re skipping a book in the series, not because Izzy didn’t do one for A Clash of Kings, she did, but it turned into an epic, steamy love letter to that dreamy Night’s Watchmen from the North, Jon Snow.

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30 Days Hath Novembeard – Smorgasbeard Finale

Finally, we’d like to take a moment to honor the forgotten beards. Those bearded men who, throughout the month of November, slipped through our fingers.

Let’s say the evil Black Diamond terrorist cell seizes an Alpine resort, and GI Joe needs to send an agent to rescue the hostages. You’d better believe they’ll turn to Snowjob, their resident skiing-themed agent. Also? I think that insincere suggestion I made might be the coolest idea for a Snowjob story to date.

Brock Samson grow a beard (and a gut) between seasons of the Venture Brothers, but it wasn’t long before he was clean-shaven and back down to fighting weight.

In Marvel’s Wha…Huh? one-shot a few-years back, Mark Millar and Jim Mahfood treated us to a bewhiskered version of the Avengers. And we never got the chance to thank them!

In the Justice League animated series 2-parter Hereafter, Superman is catapulted through time to a post-apocalyptic wasteland where he becomes a sort of Sci-Fi barbarian until an unlikely ally comes to his aid. Definitely worth a look, if you haven’t seen it.

I pity the fool who don’t take his glamor shots seriously! Mr. T’s bearded face adorned our televisions, lunchboxes, and even our cereal boxes for the good part of the decade. He reminded us to drink our milk, he treated his mother like a saint, and he could turn any vehicle into a tank over the course of a 2 minute montage.

Extra points to any God that has a beard, a lot of them can choose what form to take and they purposely pick one with a beard.

I couldn’t leave out hobo ass kicking Matt Murdock from the Daredevil Born Again storyline. It’s such a rarity seeing Murdock with facial that I literally had to take a picture of the panel because I couldn’t find a decent one online.

Seneca Crane, head Gamemaker in The Hunger Games, sports the sweetest beard I’ve ever seen. May the Beard be ever in your favor.

Now you can put Seneca’s beard on anyone!

How can we not honor this facial hair? This man is directly responsible for a significant portion of the billions of potato fragments found in beards each year.

I really just wanted to write about Wilson, but since he doesn’t have a beard, I guess we’ll include Tom Hanks

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More zombies? Yes, please!

I’ve had my eye on the World War Z movie, though I’ve sadly never read the book (it’s on my to-read list). The trailer looks nothing short of AWESOME. Check it out:

The movie stars Brad Pitt who, like him or not, has proven he’s a good choice for an action flick. I still have wet dreams about his swordfights in Troy, but that’s really neither here nor there. Lost‘s Matthew Fox also graces the cast list, and I always love seeing alums from my favorite show pop up. I’m most excited for the appearance of Mireille Enos, who played the lead role in AMC’s cancelled show The Killing.

If you never saw that show, stop what you are doing and log into Netflix right now (after you’re done reading this article, of course). It is two seasons of epicness, and Enos kicks so much ass as Detective Sarah Linden. In World War Z she plays Brad Pitt’s wife, so I’m not sure how much ass-kicking we’ll get to see her do. Hopefully she’ll at least kill a zombie or two.

Speaking of zombies, I’m happy to see something new from this trailer, rather than the typical slow, shambling zombies of The Walking Dead variety. These zombie mobs look like something out of Katamari, and I, for one, am hoping to see a giant ball of zombies rolling around picking up other zombies.

What do you geeks think about the trailer? Excited? Lukewarm? Sick of Brad Pitt? Let us know in the comments!

Help the Evil Geeks Install A Puppet Regime!

Let’s get this guy out of retirement!

Anyong Evil Geeks!  In case you haven’t noticed before. every so often we like to rant about stuff that’s really grinding our gears.  One night in the Evil Lair, whilst in the relentless grip of an epicly drunk and sloppy drinking binge evening of socially appropriate spirit consumption and lively conversation, one of our Evil Geek guest bloggers, the dastardly and nefarious rogue known as Paulo Pinta, was unexpectedly clobbered by a moment of inspiration.  The Muses sucker punched Paulo while we had been discussing the recent acquisition of the Star Wars franchise by Disney and how we were optimistic at the possibility that Disney was going to do right by us fans.  I’ll admit that when I first heard about the purchase my initial reaction was pretty much this:

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30 Days Hath Novembeard – Day 29

The secret of the Stark armor: It’s actually made by Norelco.

The Novembeard finish line is finally within site!  We’ve been going through a veritable who’s who of the beard world this month and for the penultimate salute to facial fur, we’ve saved the ultimate uber-geek:  Tony Stark!  Aside from Reed Richards, Tony’s the brainiest guy in the Marvel Universe. He’s got a TON of cash and he manages to reel in a non-stop stream of ladies. There is simply no other goatee as powerful as the one adorning the inside of the Iron Man helmet.  This fashion forward facial hair can afford to buy and sell anyone on the planet! It’s half a beard, but it’s still got enough clout to run the show in the Marvel U!  Sure, there have been a few missteps in this beards career, no one’s going to argue that.  Maybe we had a little bit of a Skrull infestation under the watchful gaze of this glorious beard.  There was also that unfortunate business with a Hulk invasion and maybe Tony eventually ended up resigning in disgrace as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. but you know what? No one’s perfect, so don’t blame the beard.  He wasn’t the one calling the shots, he was just along for the ride.

That’s not sweat running down his face, that’s vodka. Pure, unadulterated, vodka.

That’s a confident beard, a mighty beard.  A beard that counts a thunder-god and a living WWII legend among his best friends.  Gone are the days when that beard was basically a gin sponge; that’s now a beard of authority!  Just look at it; perfectly symmetrical, not a single follicle out-of-place, and angles razor-sharp enough to shred an entire head of cabbage.  That’s a beard that’s had the pleasure of teasing the inner thighs of many a gorgeous Marvel U heroine.  Just ask the Black Widow!  That’s a beard deserving, nay, DEMANDING respect!  Skrull children tell ghost stories and hold candles in front of mirrors during midnight seances chanting “BLOODY TONY, BLOODY TONY!!” whilst cowering in fear of the ferocity of that beard!  It spends so much time shielded behind the face plate of Tony’s armor, not because it needs to be defended from evil doers, NO! It’s shielded because those evil doers need to be shielded from IT! Beards like this are specifically why we created Novembeard, that’s why we’re dedicating today’s post to Tony Stark!

Tony may be a little banged up, but the goatee? Still sparklingly impeccable!

All images and characters depicted are copyright of their respective owners.

Evil Geek Book Report – The Trial Of Galactus

The Trial Of Galactus Trade Paper Back (Fantastic Four #242-244, 257-262) is collected from John Byrne’s much heralded run on the series during the 1980s. This was my first exposure to Byrne’s writing, I had encountered his art during the beginning of Claremont’s excellent run on X-Men. Other than the non-continuity 12 issue Heroes Reborn: Fantastic Four by Jim Lee, this was my real introduction to them. Of course being an elaborate portion of the backbone of the Marvel universe I’ve been utterly aware of the FF ever since I knew about comics. I was never interested though, until now.

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