The House of Mouse is on a Spending Spree!!!
Good Morning Evil Geekland! Every now and then we like to take a break from ranting / raving about grown men gallivanting around in spandex and let our creative sides take over. Today we’re bring you a two-fer: We’ve got a comedy post, which is new for us AND it’s being written by a guest blogger! We’ve turned over the keys to the site to Paolo Pinta for his very first Brotherhood of Evil Geeks article. Now that Disney has acquired a monopoly on children’s imaginations worldwide, where will they hed next?!?! Paolo is going to give us a glimpse of the possible not too distant future. Keep your eyes here on good ‘ol Stormtrooper XJ379 for more posts from guest bloggers in the future. Who knows, submit some stuff to us and it could even be YOU!
Walt Disney to Acquire the Catholic Church
Well it’s happened. Fresh off the heels of the acquisition of Marvel, Pixar, and Lucasarts, Walt Disney Company announced today that it would be acquiring the Catholic Church and is planning The Bible Episode 7 for 2015! In a later conference call, Disney revealed that they are planning a new trilogy starting in 2015 with a new movie coming every other year. They were also asked about the rumors abound that has them purchasing Judaism and the Islamic faith as well, but said that they planned to concentrate on the Catholic franchise for now. The internet has been abuzz over the last 24 hours, with constant speculation over the direction of the story in the new trilogy. Will it concentrate on the story of Jesus and his magical powers like in the first trilogy? Or on the many characters of the old testament trilogy which left many Bible fans crying heresy. Here is the full press release:
Continuing its strategy of delivering exceptional creative content to audiences around the world, The Walt Disney Company has agreed to acquire The Catholic Church Ltd. in a stock and cash transaction. The Catholic Church is 50% owned by God, Chairman and Founder, and 50% owned by the Mafia.
“The Catholic Church reflects the extraordinary passion, vision, and storytelling of its founder, God,” said Robert A. Iger, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company. “This transaction combines a world-class portfolio of content including The Bible, one of the greatest family entertainment franchises of all time, with Disney’s unique and unparalleled creativity across multiple platforms, businesses, and markets to generate sustained growth and drive significant long-term value.”
“For the past 2000 years, one of my greatest pleasures has been to see The Bible passed from one generation to the next,” said God, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of the Catholic Church. “It’s now time for me to pass The Bible on to a new generation of filmmakers. I’ve always believed that The Bible could live beyond me, and I thought it was important to set up the transition during my lifetime. I’m confident having a new home within the Disney organization, The Bibles will certainly live on and flourish for many generations to come. Disney’s reach and experience give The Bible the opportunity to blaze new trails in film, television, interactive media, theme parks, live entertainment, and consumer products.”
Driven by a tremendously talented creative team, The Catholic Church’s legendary Bible franchise has flourished for more than 2000 years, and offers a virtually limitless universe of characters and stories to drive continued feature film releases and franchise growth over the long-term. The Bible resonates with consumers around the world and creates extensive opportunities for Disney to deliver the content across its diverse portfolio of businesses including movies, television, consumer products, games and theme parks. The Bible feature films have earned a total of $4.4 billion in global box to date, and continued global demand has made The Bible one of the world’s top product brands, and The Catholic Church a leading product licensor in the United States in 2011. The franchise provides a sustainable source of high quality, branded content with global appeal and is well suited for new business models including digital platforms, putting the acquisition in strong alignment with Disney’s strategic priorities for continued long-term growth.