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The Brotherhood of Evil Geeks Top Five Thunderdome Throwdown

Three Evil Geeks enter!!! Then three leave again when we’re done… Sorry, we’re more of the cartoonish evil types, not really the blood-thirsty evil types.  Think Cobra Commander, not Carnage.

Happy October to all Brothers and Sisters in Evil Geekland!  We’re popping in today to bring you the first edition of our new monthly feature: The Top 5 Thunderdome Throwdown!!!  Every month each of our contributors will bring you their top 5 favorites in any random category.  It could be our 5 favorite crappy comic movies, 5 favorite action figures, 5 favorite NES games, or pretty much anything else that pops into our Evil minds.  We’re even open for suggestions, so if you’ve got a top five you’d like to see, then let us know in the Comments section.  We’d love to hear your opinions too, so let us know your top five choices for this month in the comments as well!

Since October is clearly our favorite month, as it contains Halloween which is the most evil and geeky of all the holidays, we thought we’d start off by having the Evil Geeks list off their top favorite villains from any genre.  Any person/place/thing that has done some pretty raw stuff to another person/place/thing ever in any medium is up for grabs in this Big Bad Free-For-All!  Ready for our first Evil list down?!  Here we go!

BIFF TANNEN:

I think both of the other authors will tell you that this was not an easy list to make. There are so many incredible villains for a plethora of different reasons, especially from a selection field that includes: comics, movies, books, video games, tv, etc. It’s a near impossible task. For me each one on my list had to have a serious “badass“” factor associated with them. This is what I came up with.

  • 5.) If I put down the phrase, XENOMORPH would you know what I’m talking about? If not, the Xenomorph is the Alien from the Alien movie franchise. These fuckers are terrifying. Genetically created cold blooded animal like killers. There  goal is to reproduce and kill as much as possible. If you confront them when they are in their earlier state they will attach themselves to your face and lay eggs in your stomach.  Shortly after that, they will conveniently burst out of our chest at an inappropriate time…likely dinner.They also age rapidly, generally within a  matter of hours. Once they are “adults” they are full on silent killers. Did I mention if you are able to harm it, it’s blood is corrosive acid? They have another smaller razor sharp mouth within their mouth that shoots out with missile like precision. Not exactly what you want to be stalked by when your trapped on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere.

  • 4.) Because of my love for Film Noir and things being on the dark and gritty side I had to put Wilson Fisk aka KINGPIN on the list. I always liked him because of the realism of the character. He’s a villain that could/would/does exist in the modern world. I’m fascinated by those who are powerful enough where they sit alone in a dark room smoking a cigar and just make decisions. To me Kingpin is a scary villain for reasons completely different that anyone else on my list.

  • 3.) I love G1 Transformers but I realize I might get some flak for picking STARSCREAM over Megatron. Megatron does get some serious points for being pure malevolent evil, but Starscream is evil and untrustworthy. I love that his sole ambition is to dethrone Megatron and take over as leader of the Decpticons. What makes this relationship even more interesting is that being second in command, Starscream is mostly responsible for being Megatron’s “host” when he transforms into a gun (with the exception of the occasional Soundwave instance or that one time Optimus Prime go to do it). Think about that for a second. The one person you probably trust the least you have to unflinchingly trust in your most vulnerable state that he will obey for the greater good of the cause. Talk about a moral quandary…

  • 2.) DARTH VADER is a given right? Vader is so menacing, starting right from the ground up with his costume and his imposing size. He’s the Emperor’s premier ambassador, servant and assassin. I don’t think it’s really necessary for me to go way into detail on what else makes him so awesome, but I think we’ll leave it at the fact that he’s a mystical cyborg wielding a laser sword.

  • 1.) One word: GALACTUS. This was an easy #1 choice. Galactus’ nick name is the “Devourer of Worlds”. That pretty much says it all right there. We are dealing with an ancient massive being whose hunger can only be quenched by eating planets. If that isn’t the definition of badass, I don’t know what is. Not to mention that he has heralds he endows with the power cosmic (most notably, The Silver Surfer) who go out and seek/prepare these planets for consumption. Honestly, it doesn’t get cooler than that.

BIG EVIL:

S’up Nerds! The word Villain is such a nasty word for those who are truly misunderstood, angry, demonic, power-hungry, vile…OK, maybe villain isn’t such a bad word to describe these people. Either way, we all have our faves. So in the words of Stan Lee, “Lets Bring on the Bad Guys!”

  • 5.) Scar from the Lion King is most definitely on my list. Whats that you say? A Disney character? Hear me out as I describe this baddie to you. First off, over the years we’ve all seen disney movies and have seen a ton of bad guys who either plot to do terrible things or simply do those horrible things offscreen, but we never actually see it. This guy is different. Fist off, this movie plays off like fuckin’ Shakespeare if you think about it. We got a king who is a good guy with a angry and twisted little brother who hates his big bro. The king takes care of everyone and protects them from their enemies, but the little bro is actually working with/controlling the enemies. Then the king has a son, which pisses the little brother off even more because now there is not only his brother, but a rug rat in between him and the throne. So what does he do? First Scar tricks his nephew to go somewhere that he has totally been told not to go to so he can have his goons kill him, when that doesn’t work he flips his shit and comes up with a new plan to not only kill the kid, but kill his brother at the same time. We’ve all seen it, little Simba is hanging out in a valley all on his lonesome when a huge stampede is about to lay him to waste when daddy dearest comes in for the save. He throws the kid out of harms way and attempts to crawl out of certain death and see’s his brother Scar, Mufasa calls out for help, even calls out “Scar….Brother…Help Me” while he is hanging on for his life and our baddie grabs him, looks extremely devilish and says “Long Live the King” as he throws his brother to his death! Then to add to his baddie cred, he blames it on the kid and basically banishes him, but tells his goons to kill him anyone so he can usurp the throne. Granted, there is a lot of singing and shit in the movie, and good does beat evil in the end. But my man actually did it! He plotted to and killed his brother, in a mother fuckin’ disney movie no less!
    You’ll never sing Hakuna Matata the same way again, Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha…

A Disney Character? Check….A cold and calculating killer? Double Check

  • 4) The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight is by far and away one of my favorite villains of all time! “He says to me, he says to me…You got style BABY! But if you’re gonna be a real villain you gotta get a gimmick, and so I go, I says…YEAH BABY! A GIMMICK, THATS IT…high explosives…hha hha hha hha hha hha!” And that somes up the Evil Midnight Bomber….Hell he has Evil in his name, we’re Evil geeks, I had to put him on my list. Basically, this guy was a Tick villain who goes to a Superhero Nightclub and plants bombs around the whole thing while The Tick is pre-occupied with Barry (Basically a rich guy who also calls himself The Tick.) The Bomber runs around the whole episode talking to himself about how he’s gonna go down in history and meanwhile Arthur cant even get into the bar because he’s a sidekick. Its classic evil served up in a way only the Tick knows how….Check out this Youtube video of the Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight, you’ll laugh your ass off!
    “EVIL’S OK IN MY BOOK, WHAT ABOUT YOURS? YEAH BABY…YEAH!”

“Surf’s up, space ponies…I’m making gravy without the lumps!”

  • 3) Dark Beast is a really underrated bad guy. Basically, there was this little thing called The Age of Apocalypse, which was an alternate reality caused by the untimely death of a young Charles Xavier. In this reality there was no-one to stop Apocalypse from taking over the world. Humans were treated like cattle and mutants were considered the dominant species. Magneto actually formed the X-Men in this world and attempted to battle Apocalypse, but was on the losing end of the stick. This world saw warped versions of our heroes including Henry McCoy aka The Beast. In our world Beast was an X-Man, a Defender, and an Avenger. He fought for all people, mutant and human alike. He was a scientist who worked with the likes of Tony Stark, Reed Richards, and Hank Pym to solve problems in the world. The McCoy in this timeline was for lack of a better word, twisted. He was a scientist who worked for Sinister, specializing in genetics. He performed “experiments” on his endless amount of human guinea pigs as well as fellow mutants. He enjoyed causing pain and tormenting his captives. He experimented on Blink, Jaimie Madrox, Holocaust, and even merged all the brats of the Power Pack into one hideous creature. As the alternate world crumbled, Dark Beast was one of the few to make it to the regular Marvel U where he decided to take over the life of our McCoy. He started by systematically talking to people in Hanks life and then killing them in unusual and in his eyes, fun ways. He even infiltrated Hanks parents, but was unable to pull the trigger so to speak. Eventually he revealed himself to Beast, attacked and kidnapped him and took his place. Our Beast eventually escaped and took back his place in the X-Men but was distraught with the way that this dark reflection of himself ruined the lives of other around him. Dark Beast pops back up every now and then. A few years back our McCoy even went to great lengths to work with him to cure the “No More Mutants” problem and save the species. Dark Beast decided to try to “give” powers to one of the Guthries who didn’t have an natural mutant ability. It didn’t go well and our Beast lost his shit. He’s popped up working with Norman Osborne and recently in the Dark Angel Saga (really good…check it out!) This baddie is basically what Walter from Fringe woulda become if he didn’t get part of his brain cut out!

Which one is the real McCoy?

  • 2) Walternate is Walter Bishop of the Alternate Universe or “Earth 2” in Fringe. Walter Bishop was a world renowned scientist specializing in insanely unique science fiction fact. He worked with another scientist named William Bell on all sorts of experiments including treatments on children known using a drug known as Cortexiphan which would open up the latent abilities in the mind. Bell and Bishop were creating an army to defend our universe, but at the end of the day they experimented on children and then stopped. Leaving a ton of kids to grow up with different abilities that scared them and others and ultimately screwed them out of being normal members of society. Walter Bishop had a breakdown when his young son Peter died from a rare illness. He and Bell developed a window to look into an alternate earth, where Walter would regularly sit and watch the other Peter. As he watched that universes Peter deteriorate he thought that there was a way to stop it, so he developed a cure for the young boys illness. He modified his window into a doorway to the other side and crossed the plane despite warnings about what it could do to reality. In his mind he had to save his son, even if it was Peter in another universe. The vile holding the cure was destroyed on the trip to the other side so Walter knew that he had to kidnap Peter to our reality, cure him, and then return. Upon taking Peter through the doorway, they fell through an icy lake. They were rescued by a mysterious character that told Walter that he could never return Peter to his home. Walter cured the boy and brought him home to his wife. They couldn’t find themselves able to send him back and raised him as their own. Walter in the alternate universe (Walternate) was similar to our Walter, but William Bell had died at a young age so certain events in this Bishops life were different. He was still a scientist, but worked for the government as The National Security Czar. He was distraught after Peter was taken, with bouts of depression and alcoholism. He was supposed to run the security for the nation, but couldn’t explain how his son was taken from him. A young Olivia Dunham appeared before him, teleporting from our universe. Walternate takes her sketchbook and sees that Peter is alive in another world and resolves to get him back by any means necessary. The fabric of reality in the Alternate Universe began breaking down due to our Walters original doorway, which lead to worldwide disasters that Walternate had to repair. Walternate becomes the Secretary of Defense and begins to wage a campaign against our universe, but with the sole intention of getting his son back. He created Shapeshifters to invade our world as sleeper agents to obtain information linking to his son. At the end of the day, Walternate is a father scorned with the full support of the nations military to right the wrong that he feels happened to him, and will do it no matter the cost. Check out Fringe Seasons 1–3 for all sorts of nasty Walternate scenes!

“Nature doesn’t recognize good and evil. Nature only recognizes balance and imbalance. I intend to restore balance to our world. Whatever it takes.”

  • 1) The Jokeris my #1 villain with a bang! This character is simply batshit crazy and has proven to be just that in pretty much every variation that we have scene. He is the antithesis to Batman in every way imaginable. Joker decided to give into the madness and embrace the chaos simply because it’s fun! He’s not just crazy either, he is cold and calculating and literally doesn’t hold back. Other villains are afraid of how this guy operates, he’s your friend one second and dropping a meat cleaver into your head the next. He could slice the throats of a bus of nuns and then blow up a school all in the same afternoon. To his record the Clown Prince of Crime has killed countless amounts of people and most notably paralyzed Barbara Gordon and forced her father to watch images of her in a near death position in the attempt to make him go crazy, maimed Jason Todd (Robin 2) with a crowbar and then set up a bomb to kill him, and murdered Sarah Essen Gordon (Has a thing against the Commish.) Like Batman, he runs with the big leagues every now and then and has a great time screwing with the entire world with the likes of the Injustice Gang or just good ‘ol Lex. In recent issues of Batman, he has had the skin on his face removed and it has been placed in police custody in Gotham. People have come out in droves to see it like it was the shroud of turin. The master criminal has something planned, and without a face you can count on two things: 1) Whatever he does, it wont be pretty and 2) Mass amounts of people will most likely die upon his return.

“Kid, I’m the Joker. I don’t just randomly kill people. I kill people when it’s funny.”

CMART:

Howdy Geeks and Nerds!  I took me a while to come up with my Top Five for this month.  I kept revising my list repeatedly and quite honestly, if I keep thinking about it I’d probably be able to change it million more times before the end of the day.  Hell, as I wrote that last sentence, I had to stop half way through to make another revision.  So here’s my favorite villains, at least as of right now anyway.  If you ask again in five minutes, I’ll probably have a completely new list:

  • 5.)  JASON VORHEES has always been one of my favorite villains.  I can remember back when I was a kid, one of the first fictional stories I ever wrote was my own sequel to Friday the Thirteenth.  It didn’t matter to me that hockey mask Jason wasn’t in the first or second movie, my fourth grade mind probably wasn’t even aware of this; but in my sequel the Martin Brodeur of the movie monster world was starring front and center! I don’t know what it is that keeps me watching these increasingly crappy movies, but if you throw that mute mound of murder in a movie, then you’ve automatically sold me a ticket.  I even saw the one where he goes into space… IN A MOVIE THEATER!

Jason waits for Andy DuFresne so they can both run off, hand in hand to Zihuatanejo in Stephen King’s original ending to The Shawshank Redemption. Such a tearjerker…

  • 4.)  APOCALYPSE has always been another favorite of mine in comics.  Apocalypse is such a bad ass!  Come on, how many acient, nomadic warriors turned immortal super villains can say they’re a bigger bad than ol’ 2-Poc?  Screw Ra’s  al Ghul, En Sabah Nur would wipe the floor with him any day.  The thing that really cemented Apocalypse’s staus as one of my faves was defintely Marvel Comics’ Age of Apocalypse storyline.  As a child of the 90’s, this is one of the comic crossover events I will always love the most.  The world dominated by Apocalypse gave us some great storytelling and great art (Chris Bachalo on Generation Next and Joe Maduriera’s stuff on X-Men are among my personal highlights of that era).  Find one person from our generation that didn’t think Apocalypse’s Archangel was an improvement on Angel. Not to mention, Apocalypse is also responsible for another character I love, Cable.  The whole reason Nate even comes back to the present is just so he can stop Apocalypse!

Wow, that’s so weird, I picked the “Reflections” background for my 2nd grade class picture too!

  • 3.) Coming in at numero tres on my countdown is MAYOR RICHARD WILKINS from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I thought this was such a great character and it was really a shame he didn’t stick around longer.  On the outside he was an “Aw, shucks!” Mayberry type, goodie-two-shoes, goofball.  The second you dug just beneath that veneer though you struck pure, evil, paydirt.  He lures the super-sexy, slayer Faith to the darkside to be his personal hit girl, tries to bring back Angellus, eats a box full of disgusting, spider-crab thingies, and turns into a giant snake demon at Sunnydale High’s graduation ceremony (but not until after he gives his entire speech, which as Buffy poitns out “is just really evil”) If you haven’t seen it, I recommend running to NetFlix and watching the two parter “Graduation Day” from season 3 to see the Mayor at his most evilest.

Uggghhhh…. They ALWAYS sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at karaoke every week!

  • 2.)  Sometimes nobody does bad better than the good guys.  One of those times was when WOLVERINE was kidnapped and brainwashed by Hydra and The Hand, then used by them as a nearly unstoppable killing machine.  In case you’re not familiar with this scenario, it played out in a storyline called “Enemy of the State” which took place on the pages of Wolverine #20-31 (2004-2005).  While under the cotnrol of those nefarious organizations, Wolverine was being teleported in and out of different locations, cutting a bloody swath through the Marvel U while leaving a trail of dead C level heroes and S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in his wake.  One particular scene that really stuck in my head (but not enough so that I remember all of the details, d’oh!!!), is when some rookie S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who is barfing his brains out while trying to describe what he saw during one of Wolverine’s rampages, says that he saw some cape who he thought was Spider-Man (it wasn’t, it was some nobody character, that I don’t even remember the name of) get sliced open causing his guts to fall out “like spaghetti”.  During that storyline, everyone in the Marvel U was sleeping with one eye open just in case Wolverine suddenly showed up.  He was like the Boogie Man for superheroes.

After spending all that time in Japan, Logan demanded only the freshest sushi at every meal.

  • 1.) My number one baddie ironically isn’t just one baddie, it’s like a billion of them actully.  ZOMBIES have absolutely terrified me since I was a little kid.  It started around when I was in about 3rd grade and had gone over to a friends house to spend the day.  Looking for something to do, we had begun looking through his family’s stash of movies and we had run across Night of the Living Dead.  We had a back and forth discussion for a minute or two deciding if we should watch it because just the cover of it was enough to scare the shit out us.  Being the brave little Evil Geeks we were, we decided to forge ahead in our cinematic endeavor.  We made it as far as the first zombie after the character of Johnny says “They’re coming to get you, Barbara…”.  It took me a few more years before I finally had the courage to watch the entire movie, but once I did I absolutely fell for zombies for good.  I’m a huge Romero fan (original 3, the rest…meh), particulalry of Dawn of the Dead.  I was in High School when I finally watched that and even then I had pretty much the same fear and trepidation that I had when watching Night of the Living Dead as a child.  I’m a massive fan of both the Walking Dead comic and TV show, so zombies still have an important role in my horror themed entertainment to this day.  Someday, I’m finally going to get motivated enough to write that zombie epic of my own!

What’s more villainous than brain eating?

WHO RUN EVIL GEEK TOWN?!?!

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About The Brotherhood of Evil Geeks

We're evil and geeky....'nuff said!

Posted on October 1, 2012, in Geekology, Top 5 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. I didn’t even think of Batman! That would have been a good addition. It was so much harder to narrow it down to five than I thought it would be. We may have to start doing top 10’s from now on.

    Eli: Gargamel? Really? Here’s his entire endgame http://m.adultswim.com/video/robot-chicken/smurf-tastrophe.html

    Like

  2. Nice lists guys, Big Evil – I knew Joker would be your #1 and I totally agree. C-mart if we are including Wolverine, we should include Batman from Tower of Babel. He wasn’t evil but it showed what a paranoid maniac he is!

    Like

  3. You’re all wrong

    Top 5 bad guys

    5. Stag puff marshmellow man
    4. Dr. Dufenshmirtz
    3. Gargamel
    2. Megatron
    1. Joker

    Like

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