Hey there, Evil Geeks. I recently heard some news, that at I was instantly upset about. It seems the masterminds at NBC Universal feel that the douchebag demographic was totally under-represented on the basic cable airwaves, so in the name of Bro-ing things up a bit, they decided to do what many people in positions of power decide to do: pick on the nerds. They decided it was time that long running, geek TV haven G4 was due for a metro-sexual makeover. It seems that they’re going to “rebrand” the network into something more representative of the GQ loving “Modern Male”.
When I first heard about this a few weeks ago, my natural nerd-rage ignited immediately! How dare they take away the geek channel! I eventually kind of came to terms with it; you know, circle of life and all that crap. However, after watching Attack of the Show tonight I’m all angried up again! They’re clearly trying to ease the “Upscale Male” content into the show in hopes that we geeks don’t notice it and get into an uproar. It’s not an all out assault of douche-ness. it’s just subtly being slipped into our diets like arsenic. I’ve noticed that some of the web and geek based content is slowly being dropped from the show (Epic Fail? I used to love those clips!), as well as changes in the features, like the hipster guy doing a report from Oktoberfest in Cincinnati on tonight’s show. The guy was drinking a beer and talking about its FLORAL FUCKING BOUQUET!!! What the hell?! Hey remember when we talked about cool shit on this show, like video games and comics? What happened to that? I liked that, I liked it a lot. Granted, there was a decent segment about comics on the show tonight, but I want more of that, not just some hurried two-minute segment. Last time anyone checked the box office totals, now maybe I’m wrong, so please go ahead and correct me if I am, but haven’t nearly ALL of the biggest movies in the last decade or so been comic book or geek related? Correct me if I’m wrong about this also, but haven’t the major film and television companies been dumping HUGE amounts of cash into events like the San Diego or NY Comic Cons, in an ever-increasing amount year after year? Sounds to me, like maybe those geeks/nerds are a growing market, a predominantly MALE dominated market (not to slight the ladies out there, but let’s face it: this whole thing can really be a sausage party more often than not), and perhaps those males might be the mythical “Modern Males” for which you are covetously seeking? Those people want to tune in to hear about what’s going on with the new Iron Man movie, or maybe a scoop on “The Man of Steel”. They’re not going to want to know what tie goes with spiky hair and gold chains. They’re going to want to know where to pick up some sweet, vintage super-hero t-shirts. Not learn how to look good in an Ed Hardy t-shirt. I have news for you, NOBODY LOOKS GOOD IN A FUCKING ED HARDY T-SHIRT!!!!! Probably not even Ed Hardy looks good in one, and I don’t even know who the fuck Ed Hardy is?!?!
Seems to me that this is a pretty dumb move. I can almost guarantee you that it’s being done solely in the interests of hawking clothing lines and hair care products than it is about garnering ratings for the channel. It’s not like we geeks don’t buy stuff too, talk to us! Sell us! Speak our language and we will listen. You could make the argument that the geek demographic is more likely to watch their content online and not on TV. Why not mine that online community for content in order to draw them into the show? Have viewers drive what should be featured on the show through an online interface or even have viewers submit content that could be eventually featured on the show? Obviously I”m no programing genius, but it seems to me that there would be a way to engage that audience more. You have a wired and tech savvy audience connected to the internet all day, reach out beyond the parameters of just the physical TV hour of the show.
I really am going to miss the old, geeky, G4. Don’t. Want. Rebrand. NOOOOOO!!! Every night at 7, more often than not I’m tuned into Attack of the Show. It’s like the Geek Evening News. Pretty soon it’ll be the Jersey Shore Report. Ugh, there’s going to be stupid hair and golden lame dragons, everywhere.
THAT IS ALL FOR NOW EVIL GEEKS!!!